"Peace, Michelle" is how I've been signing my name in cards, emails, & notes for as long as I can remember.  It has become so a part of my identity that I've received a very cool Lucky brand "peace" book mark, several Christmas ornaments, a necklace for my 40th bday (no comments, yes...I'm over 40), written and had articles published and have spoken on the subject in the community over the past few years.  Nice that it resonates with others, & that my efforts are visible even when I don't recognize them as being.I have a belief we are all interconnected in this gigantic human race, all entering and sometimes existing one another's life journey in a fluid organic rhythm.  No one is an island on to oneself.  I understand a bit of my purpose in life is to bring peace to others- to be with others during grief or crisis or despair.  That is my role in the rhythmic cycle.  When asked how I can do it, my answer is simple.  I don't know.  Sorry, but it's the truth.  But the beauty is, I'm able to do it.  In some sense, I believe it's God's gift to me.  Oh how I wish I'd been given the gift of great athletic ability like my husband, or a keen scientific/mathematical mind like my best friend Erin (still thinking Sister Ursula Marie destroyed me forever from believing my mind was capable of being either mathematic or scientific), or some wonderfully marketable talent that would enable me to not worry about bills & spend all my days at the spa or hanging on some beach in Jamaica.....But alas, a gift I've been given has less to do with who I am, and more to do with how I make others feel around me.  Sigh.....So, this past week, I wasn't peaceful.  I've been restless & irritable & exhausted.  I drove to Columbus and ran the half marathon. Started me off with a slightly more tired beginning for the week.  I am in process of transitioning from a job I've loved for nearly 14 years to an unknown territory being a full-time clinical social worker in private practice.  Also, adds to the stress & exhaustion.  But upon my return, I learned that not only did one life long family friend die from his cancer, but a family member and a neighbor/friend are both dealing with severe complications from their illnesses & the impact from all the personal/professional grief just hit me.  I felt zapped of my peace, and therefore had none to give others.Others around me didn't like it at all.  Several emails, phone calls, texts, Facebook comments later, it became increasingly clear to me that indeed my normal mode of operation doesn't simply affect me, it affects all the others interconnected with me for this time and space.  My internal peace isn't just about me and how I exist, but how we are all inner connected in this space & time in life.I make a conscious decision to live my life as peacefully as I can.  I change.  Choosing to leave the security of my job and opting for less stress in my life was a full conscious decision that I was doing to help myself live more peacefully.  I run.  Often in pain, but when I run I feel alive and strong and at peace.  I meditate.  Sometimes purposefully, formally, mythodically....more frequently it is a less structured and more the way my mind functions to deal with pain and stress.  I listen to music.  Going to concerts, exploring new bands, listening to music I grew up with... music has a unique way of almost instantly bringing peace to my soul.  I pray.  Admittedly, there are many days my faith is weak and I feel abandoned but I try to pray to see in the moments when I am weak, peace in knowing I'm not alone.  I bake. Yesterday, I made enough food to feed a village.  And so in my small way I did.  I gave some banana bread to my neighbor whose husband has an aggressive brain tumor.  Currently, the cancer is winning.  Damn.  I drink really good (and sometimes not so good) red wine.  I often joke that I have no shut off valve with red wine, thankfully I don't keep much in the house and I have good friends who mostly watch out for me to keep me on track.  Mostly.  I talk with my kids.  The wisdom of my boys during the past few months of my professional transition has been more than I could've ever imagined.  How did they get to be so smart?  I cuddle with Layla, my year+ old boxer.  Pure love.  Pure adoration.  Pure peace. And now, I write. I've had all of these aspects in my life all week-long, I think I just forgot.  I became consumed with own grief and my own feelings that I couldn't help others.  Somehow, I forgot the most important aspect of helping others is to just sit, and listen....We all have tools to help us find peace and happiness in our lives....what are yours?Tonight, I will begin my journey back towards a more peaceful existence, perhaps with some red wine......Quote to leave this very wordy blog for today..... "If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other." Mother TheresaPeace, Michelle