I should be baking the 10 different types of Christmas cookies I make each year (that I haven't even started) this morning, but I want to write instead.I have a client whom I've been working with for 1 1/2 years. I will refer to this client as a "Andrew", gender/identity/etc is kept strictly confidential by me in discussing any clients on my blog or elsewhere. Andrew has made tremendous progress on his therapy goals and has made significant positive changes in his life. He has a great job, supportive friends, and has a great relationship with two of his four siblings. There are times when he needs a session with me every week as a way to keep on track, and maintain focus on what he wants to achieve/change in life. But more recently, as I wish for all clients, he has begun to realize he has all the tools already within him to make and maintain the changes he wants in his own life, and he doesn't "need" me to be there to carry him through the process.Until Christmas rolls around....The stress and the grief over the relationship with 2 of his siblings that swings between complete absence of and quite volatile begins to have an impact over his ability to celebrate the holiday and continue on with his therapy & life goals.What is it about the holidays that does this to all of us?Is the unrealistic image of Normal Rockwell or Leave it to Beaver so engrained in our brains that it prevents us from truly being in the moment and just accepting our families for what and who they are?Every family has problems. Every family has issues. Part of being in a relationship with anyone is learning to work through the difficult times and rejoice in the good ones.How do we do that? When the stress starts to build and in some way taints the magic of the season?Anyone who knows my family would already be privy to the struggle I personally face with this issue.I've carried the burden of being a therapist and unable to "fix" my own family for years. I've vacillated between being completely distraught over the family discord, to becoming completely apathetic. I've not included people in family events, and in looking back realize all that did was put a further wedge in our already fractured family.This Thanksgiving, I refused to continue the same pattern and made a conscious decision to do things differently."Definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome", Albert Einstein. Figure he's pretty smart, right? He must be on to something.....I had an open invitation to all family, and to friends who didn't have family in the area to celebrate Thanksgiving. I crammed a        hodge-podge of people in our house, setting up 2 festive tables. Everyone brought a portion of the meal, and we all gathered together in my quite cozy house and shared a meal. There was laughter, there were some tears over the loss of family and friends from this past year, and there were smiles for being together.Was it a miracle? Is everyone living a fairy tale existence with one another now? Hardly. But I realized when I gave up the need to control the outcome, when I let go of expectations, when I just let the experience be what it is, I became more relaxed and was able to enjoy the day for the intention: moments of thanksgiving.So as your prepare for your holiday celebrations this year (or to my Jewish friends, as you wind down in yours) my prayer for all of you is for peace "a state of quiet or tranquility, freedom from disturbance or agitation" for you and your family this season and always.Families are not perfect, nor are individuals who make up families. But if we are focusing on the flaws, we will find them. When we switch our perspective and instead try to focus on strengths, we can find those as well.Personally, I'd rather focus on strengths and positives..... it just feels better.My quote for ending today....."Let us always meet each other with a smile, for the smile is the beginning of love." Mother Teresa.Peace & Merry Christmas......