That's about how big the plane was that my 15-year-old son took off in on Saturday.  And I sort of remember the pilot looking as animated as the pilot in this picture...waving as he took off into the airspace with my oldest son.My oldest son had the amazing opportunity to go on vacation with a friend of his this week to Tennessee and Georgia.  When I had agreed, and quite frankly encouraged him to go with his friend, I had no idea he would be flying there let alone flying on a small corporate jet.Before anyone says "Wow! How cool!" Let me interject that flying, though necessary to get from point A to point B sometimes, is among my biggest fears.  Personally, I have huge anxiety with it.  There.  Yes, I am admitting it.  But having my oldest son fly off into the air in something not that much larger than my GMC Acadia sets a whole new bar for ANXIETY for me. He's my "baby"........Tears streamed down my face as he flew off into the sky.  Away from the protective force of his control-challenged mother.I was quite proud of myself as I shoved all my anxiety down as far as possible in the days that lead up to his leaving, deciding instead to put on the "oh my gosh, what a cool experience, I'm so happy for you" face and helped him pack.  I went over and over and over the instructions for "be polite to the parents" and "you can call us if you need us and we'll get you home ASAP" and "don't carry all your money with you all the time" and "Brush you teeth 2 times a day".....all awhile I was a ball of madness inside.Truth is, one day, our kids grow and leave the nest and this is one step in that process.  The illusion that I've had "control" over my kids lives is starting to become just that, and illusion.  I'm starting to understand that truly, none of us truly has all that much control.  Both of my boys have their own ideas and opinions and paths in life to follow....despite how I've tried to impose (ok, sometimes PUSH) my own ideas and opinions and plan for their paths, they've begun to choose otherwise.  Independent little souls.For example....Oh sure, I've been able to make decisions on what food we have for dinner- but they still were in control of what they ate from the plate and how long it took them to eat it.  Many a night when they were young, they'd try to sit it out and refuse to eat the broccoli only to have me give up and say "Fine, then no dessert".  Yes, only to give in later I'm sure from sheer exhaustion or forgetfulness that only other parents understand, and allow them to have dessert anyway.Before having children, I remember saying, literally out loud "I will never allow my children to have violent video games"..... literally I said that.  Then, I had 2 boys.  Now, we own a Wii, Playstation 1, Playstation 2, Xbox, Game Cube, DS's (several) and my oldest son is now saving for the new Xbox.  While my younger son still plays Mario Brothers and is largely innocent and quiet and sweet, our oldest is just like every other 15-old-boy and plays his largely war or shooting video games with his friends and talks about how many "kills" they have as they communicate with these head sets remotely from their own homes.  I still don't get how it works..... Do I think he will turn into a mass murderer?  No.  Do I regret the decision to allow the once thought to be evil and destructive game systems into my home.  No.  What it has taught me is this....as much as we try to control things in life, there are certain aspects we can't nor should we control for them.Life happens.  And it is so much easier to play "side line parent" and have a theory on how we think we will parent....it's so much harder to actually do it.But, the more that I let go of the control, the more I see my kids flourish.  The more I see them grow into the amazingly talented individuals they're born to be.  And I realize that it never was all about me anyway, I am just here to help support them on their journey.  Geez...that's job enough really."I cannot always control what goes on outside.  But I can always control what goes on inside." Wayne Dyer.Perfect.  I cannot control anything, really, but my own thoughts.Leaving with one of my favorite quotes for the day....."Watch your thoughts, for they become your words.  Watch your words, for they become actions.  Watch your actions, for they become habits.  Watch your habits, for they become character.  Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny." Unknown.Happy Monday...oops it's Tuesday.  I'm a day late....was busy letting go of control and clearly, the day came and went along with my control.  (No, not really, I was busy living and forgot to blog....)Peace.......