I remember when my kids were young, holding them when they were crying because they fell down and scraped their knee, or because they were overly tired and didn't have the maturity to know they needed sleep, or because they were frustrated with us for one reason or another thinking to myself...parenting is SO hard! What I wouldn't do to have a few moments of that "stress" in exchange for the stress of having a teenager now.  

As parents, it seems we don't really appreciate moments until they're already gone.  Or at least I don't seem to do that.  Wanting them to roll over, crawl, walk, feed themselves, talk, use the potty, go to school, drive....all the milestones interspersed with every day moments seemingly passing by too soon.  Why didn't I cherish them more when I was in the midst of them?  Seems like we want to rush through life so much that we often miss or don't fully realize the beauty in the moments before they're gone.  Sure there are pictures...but do we really connect with the moments behind the camera vs truly being in the moment when it's happening? 

Now...I sit heart heavy listening to the troubles of my teenage son and find my heart breaking.  The pain, as a parent, I feel now is paralyzing.  

I want to go back to legos and star wars and play do (well not really, always loathed play do) and sesame street and footed pi's and sippie cups and gold fish.  

But we can't.  Life moves on, right?  And as a parent, all we can do is listen, and pray, and hope this phase passes just as quickly as the monumental ones of days gone by....

Feeling not very peaceful......

I wrote most of that last night...

I dislike showing vulnerability typically but feel like on a universal level, it's necessary to show that just like everyone else, I have to work at finding peace and my life certainly is not rainbows and flowers and sunshine every waking moment.  Sometimes it's a whole lotta yuk! 

Had an fitful night of sleep, nearly consumed with worry as most of us parents do when our kids are hurting or upset for whatever reason.  

But....I awoke to a new day.  Just like everyone else.  And thought, isn't it great?  A new day filled with seemingly endless possibilities and a new perspective.  I ran with Layla the Wonderdog, went to yoga with my younger son and got my older son up to go to mass without any sort of complaining or hesitation.  I felt supremely blessed, and incredibly at peace.  

Sometimes, we have to sit with our emotions, as painful as they might be, and weather the storm.  For in the darkest of times, there is still a glimmer of light.  If we aren't able to sit still and just "be"...we might miss it and think that how crappy we are feeling...we will ALWAYS be feeling.  And the truth is, no emotion...high or low...lasts forever.  We need them both to appreciate the fullness of life.  

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength."                Corrie ten Boom. 

Here's to hoping today, and going forward, we all can work towards not allowing worry to control one more moment of our life.  

Peace.....