What did you think I meant?

I started a blog yesterday, and didn't mean to publish as there was literally no content in it. I think I stared at the screen for so long I wasn't sure what I wanted to write, so I shut the computer and gave up.  And then I found out I actually posted a blog, with no content.  Oops.

I'm having this internal battle in my mind lately:  what I want to do is fighting with the negative messages I have received in my life and for some reason haven't completely found a way to dismiss.  It's peculiar, isn't it, how we hold on so tight to the negative messages we've been given in life, true or untrue (often untrue) yet we often have difficulty accepting genuine complements or praise.  Why does this happen? 

I've been working on this new "side" business idea.  Well, toying with the idea for MONTHS but feeling overwhelmed and unsure and fighting the fleeting thoughts of "who are you kidding" that come up when I feel like I"m ready to move forward.  Much to the chagrin of others around me, sometimes it takes me some time to allow my ideas to resonate, to take shape, before I can move forward.  Like the book I've also started to write, the idea of it has been marinating in my brain for years, and only recently have I had the courage to start interviewing people on "peace" and start the writing process.  

So when I hear clients, or family or friends, struggling and telling me they "can't do something"....I not only want to cringe (I loathe that arrangement of words like few others in the English language) but I want to scream!  I was JUST LIKE YOU!  Many times in my life.  If I can do (said goal/etc), than anyone can do it!  I was an insecure, quiet kid without confidence to believe I could do many of the things I've done in my life.  Even though I am fairly confident now, there are times those features creep  back into my personality if I allow them the space to do so.  We all have a choice in life, allow others (i.e. messages or the senders of said messages) to dictate our paths in life, or decide for ourselves where happiness and fulfillment are found, and move forward.  

So it changed in me, when? 

I don't know for sure, maybe it was when I started running?  When I could run further than a block? Or when I registered for a race?  Or when I crossed my first finish line? Or when I then decided to run a half, or full, or another or another?  I don't mean to say that everyone should start running, although not so secretly I think the world would be a much happier place if more people started running (or exercising) more. Rather, it was the accomplishment of something/s the negative messages in my life had been telling me all along that I was not capable of doing.  And guess what, I've done far more than I ever thought I'd be able to do in my life, and should (and trying) to take pride in that.  

I had a similar conversation with my oldest son recently, encouraging him to take on a challenge of something bigger than he thinks he can accomplish, because deep within us, we all are so much more than we believe, capable of so much more than we think we can do, and so much stronger than we see ourselves as being.  

A friend of mine shared this post yesterday on Facebook, "Thought I would share the last few sentences from today's reading in my daily devotional by Joyce Meyer.  It reminds me of my running days so ---------------- (insert my name) this might resonate with you especially.  When God tells us we can do something, we must believe that we can.  It is not by our own power or our might that we are able to do what He tells us to, but by His spirit working on the inside of us that we win the battle of unbelief." Thank you, my friend, for sharing..... 

Wow.  I love that.  While she was speaking about from her own perspective, the powerful words are universal, and for me, yes me who is typically confident and focused and fairly self assured, yesterday...I needed to read those to remind me, while there are days I feel alone in my journey, with God and the wonderful people I have in my life supporting me on Earth and from  beyond, I am never alone.  

So today, may you set your sights on something you previously thought unattainable and consciously accept in your mind that you are capable of achieving even the most seemingly unattainable. 

Peace.....in your journey......