This blog post has sat in my draft folder for almost a week...longer than any other blog since I started over a year ago.  Think there is some hidden meaning behind that.  Maybe comparisons are a bigger issue for me than I'm willing to admit to myself.  Recently, I had a discussion with someone about the surprisingly competitive spirit that resides in me, something that shocks me every time it surfaces.  Having not experienced it growing up in athletics, I somehow didn't even recognize how it manifests in me in other ways.  Primarily with my expectations of myself, in some completely "arbitrary" ways that I impose solely on myself.....Ever have the feeling you are less than others?  Where does that come from in our lives?  So many socially acceptable norms in society appear to be purely arbitrarily assigned, and without challenge we blindly accept these as if they're the only ones to strive to obtain.Who decided it was ideal for a man to be over 6 foot tall?  Unless you are a basketball player, really why does height matter?  Shouldn't each of us celebrate our bodies, and be thankful for whatever human form we are given on this earth?Who decided that women should be a size "whatever" (this is where it personally gets touchy with me) in order to be ideal or perfect or attractive or appealing to others?  Shouldn't it be striving for "health" vs a size or starving ourselves to fit into the perfect pair of jeans?Who decided this?Who decided an US family" is 2 parents and 2.01 (how does one have .01 of a child anyway?)?  How did that become the ideal? Setting up those who are single parents, or childless, in a same-sex relationship, or have above 2.01 kids as being slightly out of the norm and therefore "less than" others in society?Who decided getting a medical degree or a law degree was the pinnacle of intellectual achievement in our society? How did we decide that being creative or doing something that is off the traditional track were less valuable in our society?  Where would we be without art, and poetry, and chefs and bakers and all of those beautiful things that make our life more interesting while we're trudging through out days?So in yoga, I was thinking about all the ways I compare myself to others...My Inversions in yoga.  My house. My weight.  My parenting.  My relationships.  My running.  I could go on.....But in thinking of how arbitrary the comparisons we draw in life with others, I thought of things in this way....using the one part of me I am really proud of, my ability to reframe my thoughts to impact my mood and perceptions of the world around me.  ***see note later.....

• Maybe I can't do inversions right now (mostly because of fear) but I really do a kick ass triangle pose!  And who says that isn't as awesome as a killer handstand? Who decided that is the measure of a true yogi?  arbitrary.
• I see the flaws in my house.  It's too small, my basement isn't finished....the list is endless.  I see how it doesn't work for my family as it grows with the friends around us and my kids wanting to have their friends over rather than get into trouble doing God knows what on the streets...wait...what am I complaining about again?  I am blessed.  Who decided a house needs to be "x" number square feet and have ........ ?  arbitrary.
• Maybe I am not the weight I want to be, but shouldn't I be thankful that I have too much rather than wondering where my next meal is coming from for me or my family?  My body supported 2 children to birth, and I earned every stretch mark or permanent reminder of that gift.  I'm strong, and healthy....and if it really becomes something I want/need to change, then will I put my effort to do so. If I was born in the Renaissance era, I'd be a goddess. (I'm so kidding)  Who decided a woman's body should look anyway other than the way it does?  arbitrary.
• My family isn't how I would like it to be....sure, I wish I had the Norman Rockwell painting holidays, but if I focus on what was depicted in a painting rather than the beautiful people in my life, family and FRIENDS! than surely I am missing the beauty of the great tapestry of people in my life.  Who decided Norman Rockwell was the ideal anyway?  arbitrary.
• Running....while it would be amazing to at a minimum beat the elusive Oprah time in the marathon (4:29:20)...and I'm still questioning how she did so when my best is 4:46....and I would think I"m in better shape than she is...but that's beside the point......I need to accept my legs are short.  I have chronic pain issues.  And I have a million other things going on in my life.  Maybe the fact that I can continue running for nearly or sometimes over 5 hours is more of an accomplishment than beating Oprah's time.  Who decided this was the ideal?  arbitrary.

When I hear clients, or friends, or my children tell me the "can't" change the way they see things in their life, and watch as the fixation sets in...I remind them we all face challenges.  We all have aspects of ourselves, our lives, our relationships, etc we wish were different.  But when we really look at those things we want to be different, maybe it's important to ask ourselves this question......Do we want "x" to be different because we don't like it, or is it because we are comparing ourselves to others in some arbitrary manner that really has little to do with us, and much more to do with standards set by someone else.  In order to truly be happy....we must FIRST focus on ourselves...and OK...stop there.  Focus on YOU!  Happiness comes from within...only there will you ever find happiness......****From above......scroll back up if you forgot what the *** was about....I work at this EVERY SINGLE DAY.  It doesn't just happen."Nothing external to you has any power over you." Ralph Waldo Emerson