I've had this concept percolating in my thoughts the past few months.  The quote that began this thought process was read something like "pain will continue with you until you have learned the lesson it is there to teach you." ...

Over a decade later….still here. Apparently I am a slow learner.

In a very real way this resonates with me as I continue to live with chronic pain.  I have written about this many times in the past. It continues to surprise me how many close to me don’t understand the pain is with me daily…thinking if I don’t talk about it somehow it is gone. People who live with chronic pain learn to hide it well.

Pain, whether physical or emotional, is silent.  It makes me wonder how many others out there are walking around with unresolved or managed pain, and how they try to address it or find the source or simply adapt their lives to endure.  And "endure" is sometimes what it feels like.  Sometimes........ and that is the key.  While there are days, or more specifically nights, when I want to crawl out of my skin and nearly nothing makes me comfortable, there are some days (nights) when the pain is almost indectable.  

While I am still trying to figure out what makes the most difference in my personal "pain" journey, I am learning the truly embrace the moments, sometimes brief, when I feel fully "well" or fully "alive." The more one delves into the connection with pain and the human brain, the more you start to understand the brain’s ability to create or ignore pain. Whether there is a physiological reason or not, the body can feel pain the brain has created and sent a pain message to a part of the body…some for decades!

While that can be overwhelming and defeating to realize, one must also look at the times when pain isn’t present, and what is different in those moments? Does leaning into and not being afraid of the pain help to lessen the physical effects?

For some time I have practiced closing my eyes, and following my breath as I am scanning my body for signs of discomfort. Try it! Seriously…I can wait (or you can do later)…. closing my eyes, taking very intentional and slow breaths I can follow my breath from the top of my head, down to the tip of my toes and with only my breath and my intention, not only relax my body but often am able to lessen my experience with pain.

With. Just. My. Intentional. Breath.

So why would my “soul” have chosen to have physical pain? Oh how I wish I knew, what a jerk! (sorry “soul” but really….) We’ve had many conversations…or rather I have yelled and cried and questioned many times over the years….still waiting for a response. Waiting….. What I have learned, however, in my meditations, in my writing, in my intentional processing of meaning is this……

• Pain is temporary. Even the most excruciating, fades.

• Patience. For myself and others.

• Persistence. In finding what helps me and learning new tools to use and teach others.

• Letting shit go. Sometimes, I can’t and don't want to do certain things because of my pain. PAIN is teaching me I don’t need a reason sometimes other than permission to just say….NO.

• Compassion. For others and myself.

My soul…. can be a JERK. If this is what he/she chose for me? Why?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? But it can also be a great teacher if we learn to ask instead of “why” and replace with “what is the ‘pain’ in my life trying to teach me?”

Making peace with my pain HAS BEEN my roadmap to less pain. The more I accept, the less I need to accept my pain as it becomes more a gentle reminder for me to pay attention than a bulldozer forcing me to do so.

For more information on how to work with your pain in new and effective ways, I highly recommend the book “Unlearn Your Pain.” by Dr. Howard Schubiner. This is a research based program, based on the work of Dr. John Sarno and his work to understand phantom pain for persons who have had amputations. GROUND-BREAKING work!

Wishing you peace ….today and always.