I chose the image intentionally, not because I know this person…I don’t. Nor because it is a photo of me, it isn’t. Rather, I chose this image as I believe it captures the essence of what I wish we all felt as we aged., leaning into the gift that is afforded to few in our world. This face, to me, symbolizes the joy that can accompany the gift of waking up one more day rather than the dread and negative images often associated with the process of an aging human body. This image, void of artificially dyed hair, botox, and fillers, looks like a life well-lived. We are taught to FEAR and avoid aging at all costs, however, in our culture. Or at least looking like we are aging…

What would happen if we didn’t fear aging? What would happen if we all pushed back on the narrative and instead, celebrated getting older, wrinkles and all? After all, aging is a GIFT afforded to few.

I attended a concert recently, invited to join some long-time friends in their company suite. We were able to both reunite with friends both time/distance and covid had separated for too long, as well as meet others who were also invited by our friends. While the suite was packed with others in their 50s, like us, we were surrounded by a sea of teens/young adults who were true fans of the artist we all randomly showed up to see.

In this suite, the pattern of men chatting with the men and the women chatting with the women ensued. While small talk is not my preferred content of communication, even I was surprised when one of the women (whom I just met) turned to me and asked the following:

Random previously never met Woman: Hey…what ‘work” have you had done?

Me: What? What do you mean?

RPNMW: You know, “work”?

Me: (still confused……but catching on…) Um….nothing?

RPNMW: Oh….wow. Your forehead.. looks amazing! You are so lucky you haven’t ‘had’ to have any “work” done yet….. good for you!

I left wondering: was that her subtle suggestion for me to actually “have work done?”

And why did I care?

And if it wasn’t a suggestion but rather an acknowledgment of how my genetic makeup is responding to the process of aging, and if so, why is that something that is to be celebrated or congratulated rather than just is?

I do remember, when I was very young, WANTING to be older. When did that stop being a thing? Maybe when we are actually ‘older’?

While I have never had any “work” done, and have no plans, the underlying pressure to not “look like you are ‘aging’ even when you are getting older permeates our culture. It’s inescapable! I still remember the visceral experience I had when I first heard "thank you, ma'am” in a checkout, noting without my realization I was now among this older segment of society that was referred to as “ma’am”…. And I….didn’t like it…

I have not completely pushed back against it. I still get my hair dyed, every 2-3 weeks in fact because I loathe the grey and what it represents that much! I have had greys since I was in my early 20s, but they feel different as I am now over 50. Yes, I wrote the greys feel different, as if they have emotions, but in truth, it is I who feel differently about them now that I am actually ‘older.’

While I do have very few facial lines or wrinkles, which can be attributed to genetics, a reasonably healthy lifestyle, and ridiculous amounts of skin creams/serums I use morning and night, my skin’s texture and the lack of elasticity it once had (and I so took for granted) is no longer what it once was.

Why does this matter?

Why do we both value the “look” of being young and the “wisdom” we are afforded (if we are afforded) in the experience of aging? We cannot have both, naturally, and if we are working so hard to avoid what is, my unanswered question is ….why?

If the day and time we are no longer here on earth are elusive for all of us, is this really how we want to spend our time… so worried about the process of aging that we forget how to truly LIVE in the here and now, honoring all that process of aging offers us, including but not limited to the impact it has on our physical form?

If we can appreciate the gifts that aging offers us, like wisdom or self-awareness or some increased financial security, then can we also meet the aspects that aging has on our physical form in at least a neutral space?

I hope, if I live to be the age of this woman in the photo, I meet the milestone with the same sense of joy and pride I am placing on this photo of this random potentially long-lost Eastern European relative of mine.

Leaving you with a few of my favorite quotes on aging to ponder, and hopefully, help you look at aging differently in the coming year.

Wrinkles will only go where smiles have been. (Jimmy Buffet)

Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears. (John Lennon)

Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old. (Franz Kafka)

Getting older is like climbing a mountain; you get a little out of breath, but the view is much better. (Ingrid Bergman)

Peace…