peace....with our own "shell"....

"Try to be like a turtle, at ease in our own shell." Bill Copeland.How many of us really are at peace in our own shell?  Bombarded by images and messages of how we should be, look, act. A seemingly endless stream of an assault on our self image can be found by flipping through any fashion magazine, watching TV, or trying on jeans or a dreaded bathing suit (oh wait, may be that's just me!)I have a client who started therapy with me a few months ago.  When "Fred" started, he was moderately depressed, and struggling with issues of self worth and acceptance.  He is a very intellectual PhD student, plays a musical instrument and is in several bands.  He is witty, compassionate about his work, and enjoys outdoor activities.  He had a very difficult time identifying any positive traits of self.  I was perplexed at how he couldn't see the positives that were so evident to me from the initial visit.I remember early in the therapy sessions, he repeatedly stated he wanted to be like the cool guys at bars who could pick up anyone and feel confident around others.  He wanted to be "that guy" all the girls wanted.  The center of attention, boisterous, smooth talking guy.  He stated he felt awkward in groups, and often felt boring.  We talked at great length about the difficulty with wanting to be something we are not, and the disappointment when we cannot measure up to that ideal we create in our own minds.  I offered a different perspective, one that challenged his that all women are attracted to "that guy."  I encouraged him to focus on his strengths, and talk about those with conviction rather than feeling like he needed to explain to others why he wasn't "that guy."  It was a tough sell.Months passed.  Always attending sessions, and continuing to struggle with being comfortable in his own skin.  Sometimes he would almost seem angry with me for trying to get him to focus on who he was rather than who he thought he should be.Then it happened.  Fred informed me he met someone.  And much to his amazement, she was interested in his career and pursuit of his PhD.  She found him attractive.  She liked that he was in bands, played music, and liked to do outdoor activities.  He admitted the more he focused on who he was and being proud of his strengths, the  more that others around him positively responded to his new found self esteem.No, all of my clients aren't this appreciative of my wisdom and perspective.  (Sigh....)Prompted from a conversation with an old friend of mine, I thought about how authentic I am with my own journey?  Do I really practice what I preach with my clients?  Do I really focus on my own strengths rather than wish I was something that I'm not?I sometimes wish I was "that girl" who was the life of the party.  In reality I'm quiet, introverted, and much more comfortable in small groups than in a large crowd.  I've always been that way.  I maintain a small circle of close friends, but often wonder what life would be like if I was "that girl."I could quite easily assemble a laundry list of things I'd like to change about myself, but struggle with what kind of image that sets for my kids? for my clients?  for others?  If I can't be genuinely happy with who I am, how effective am I as a therapist? or a Mom?So, for today, I'm choosing to adjust my perspective and think that maybe my flaws are really a lesson on learning to love the shell that I'm in.  Really, what's my alternative?Quote for the day...... "Change your thoughts, and you change your world."           Norman Vincent Peale.Peace and Happy Monday.