peace with knowing "NO" is a complete sentence.....
"NO. Is a complete sentence." Anne Lamott.I'm a wife, mom, daughter, sister, cousin, granddaughter, friend, neighbor and social worker. Saying "no" seems counterintuitive to who and what I am in life.Leaving my former job last November was, in part, supposed to allow me more time to write- concentrate on my running (especially since I have at least (1) half marathon, (1) full marathon, and (1) 60-mile relay this year) and to concentrate on decorating and organizing my house and life.So why is it not how I had envisioned?My days are filled with endless "things" not on that list. Often times for others. Saying "no" leaves me with too much guilt, so I often do the "things" even if my schedule or plans are jeopardized. After all, I no longer work a full-time job outside the home, don't I really have time to do EVERYTHING EVERYONE ELSE WANTS ME TO DO?I've been thinking....perhaps, maybe, I have some issues with maintaining my personal boundaries....more specifically I have an almost inability to say the simple word.....NO.On some nights when I can't sleep and I lay awake thinking....(ok, that could be almost any night really), I wonder what would I tell my clients? Would I tell them they were behaving selfishly because they were maintaining boundaries with their personal and professional life? Heck no! I'd applaud them! Possibly even applaud myself for helping him/her to establish and maintain said boundaries in the first place. Hey, it's what I do.Then why, I wonder, does it seem theoretical to me some days rather than a necessary practice?Who wants to be a door mat? No one. Who wants to know that someone is doing something for him/her out of obligation and without authenticity in his/her intention. Ouch. No one either. I need to work on that.When I'm happiest, I'm baking cookies for neighbors. Driving Grandma to the wherever she wants to go in Metro Detroit. Hosting dinner parties. Gathering troops to go out for a long run. Sending cards to people I love to let them know I'm thinking about them. Encouraging others when they're going through a rough time.But it isn't about the simply doing the act, it's about my own personal space I'm in when I'm enjoying doing it. It's what is happening "before" I do those things that enables me to do so with a generous and authentic spirit.What? Does that mean I have to actually practice what I preach with others? Yikes!There will be times when I can't do something for others, and I need to learn to be ok with that. All of us do. Guilt is a worthless emotion.As I prepare to celebrate Easter- I will be cooking and entertaining for both sides of our family. I will do so with a gracious and generous heart.But BEFORE I do that I will make sure I do things to prepare myself in mind, body and spirit.For my auto-enthusiast friends, my simple analogy is this. Would you expect your car to take you everywhere you need to be if you didn't fill the tank up with gasoline & keep up with proper maintenance on the car?Why do we think any less of ourselves?So "filling up my tank/keeping up with maintenance" this weekend with include the following:
- I will make sure to RUN this weekend. By myself for reflection time and with my friends to process all that has been going around in my head during the "reflection" time. Toya, Kristi, Tanya, Michelle, Aileen and Caroline...I'm not sure what I'd do without all of you over the years.
- I will GO To CHURCH- not only for Easter Mass on Sunday but over the next few days to simply sit and be still with God. If we aren't quiet with God, how will we recognize HIs voice when He talks to us in prayer?
- I will paint my fingernails. Straighten my hair. Cuddle with my Layla (boxer). Dye Easter Eggs with my boys. Make potato pancakes from scratch. Set a pretty table for my guests (complete with the amazing Depression glass dishes I have from my Grandma Polcyn and my Aunt Steph). And have a nice glass of wine (or two.)
So maybe I won't be writing, running and decorating this weekend.....but at least I'm aspiring to do so! And I'm setting myself in a calm and peaceful state accepting that the path I set out before me doesn't ALWAYS have to go in the direction I planned it to for me to end up exactly where I am meant to be.Quote for today....."We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change." Henry Cloud.Peace and Happy Easter.