peace....in deleting contacts....oh yes, yes I did.
Why do we hold on to friendships whose shelf life has long since expired?Sitting in a session with a client recently, named "Penelope", I listened as she told me about yet another person in her life who had treated her poorly. Typically opting for the defense mechanism of self-deprecation or joking about her often tragic life experiences, she was instead tearful stating she felt like there was something wrong with her. She explained may be she deserved it. Challenging her thought process, I asked questions...wondering what she could have done to warrant the ill-treatment? "Nothing"...simply she responded. I asked if she treated others this way? "No, never" she responded. I asked her what she was getting from the friendship/s? "Nothing, really....I just feel like I need to put up with it." Lastly.....why do you invest time/energy in others who don't invest the same time/energy in you? Silence........Really? Why do we get into this pattern of thinking? Friendships are a choice. We can choose who we do want, or don't want in our lives.Recently, I went through my contacts and "cleaned house." Yep. I deleted a bunch of contacts. Before anyone reading the blog thinks I (a) deleted him/her or (b) was doing so out of spite or with malicious spirit, rest assured no one reading this blog would have made the "delete list" and my decision to do this has more to do with my path towards peace than having any angst towards others. You see, I tend to hold on to many things and sometimes people too long.While running this week, I was thinking about this subject. Who do I choose to surround myself with in life, and is the energy spent trying to hold on to things (and sometimes friendships) that are unnecessary or unhealthy for me preventing me from my journey towards a more peaceful life?As the chaos of my own personal life with our kids busy schedules, work, my husband in graduate school, etc, etc, etc increases, the need for me to simplify things has increased too. I quite easily cleaned out closets and drawers and donated 18 bags of clothing to the Salvation Army. Really, if I haven't been able to squeeze into those "dream size" pants in "x" number of years, it's time to let them go! And reward myself with a new pair if I ever get back to that goal size....right? We cleaned out our basement and my mom had a garage sale. Brilliant and gracious of my mom who loves to do garage sales as we earned $400 for our old junk and will have extra money for vacation! Yippee! I went through old papers and cabinets and drawers and recycled. And although these contacts/old friendships don't take up physical "space" in my life, the connection was taking up space in my thoughts that I needed to rid myself of once and for all.I felt great in doing. Honestly. Time is so limited in our lives, why do we waste time/energy on friendships that are toxic or stale or expired?"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just need to find the ones worth suffering for." Bob Marley.I'm not seeking perfection in friendships, because God knows I'm far- far- far from perfect. But what I am attempting to do in life is to find a peaceful balance, and while I know that entering into any sort of relationship with another human being involves risk and some level of vulnerability, it shouldn't zap you of energy and leave you feeling as if you deserve to "just put up with" things as "Penelope" and far too many of us fall into the pattern of doing.Final thoughts:
- No one reading this post falls into the "deleted" category. The irony is the intent of the message will never find its way to those whom prompted the thoughts. But the lessons learned, are valuable nonetheless and I'm grateful.
- I really do have amazing friends. I'm somewhat confident in stating they "put up with me" and my nonsense more than the other way around. It's a give and take...sometimes I just need to be reminded it's ok to let go...and move on. Even of the amazing "size dreamy" pants I so desperately want to keep in my wardrobe.
- Friendships ebb and flow in our lives, and just because our lives don't necessarily follow the same paths as others and we may drift apart, the value and the lessons learned and no less precious. Sometimes, we need to let go in order to understand the lessons the journey presented to us.
Final quote for today....."Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom" Marcel Proust.Peace and Happy Summer Thursday......