peace....in running through the years....and not being famous for it.

I'm delayed in writing....complicated and irrelevant why but I'm delayed nonetheless.Running this season has been a mix of emotions from renewed sense of commitment and ambition to frustration and despair.  Let's hope I can stay more focused on the "commitment and ambition" going forward......Running with injury undoubtedly adds to the frustration and despair.  I'm proud of myself for honestly being able to report I have (A) gone to massage weekly as I had promised myself.  (B) Foam rolled more the past 2+ weeks than I have my entire life.  And no, it hasn't been just once.  Funny though.  (C) I have taken it easy of my running to allow myself to heal a little.Quitting isn't an option.....And before anyone jumps to the conclusion that I've been told to quit by doctors and I'm just too stubborn to heed their suggestions, I NEVER have been told to quit running.  Granted, my doctors are all well aware of what running means to me so perhaps this influences their willingness to work with me to keep me running.....but I can't be certain.I reflect back on my son's question "why do you run if you know you'll never 'win' the race?" that I've written about before.  Why do I still think about it? Maybe as my times don't improve (in fact, they are one minute per mile slower than they were when I started running).....I become impatient and critical of myself.  Why do I do it if I am never going to at a minimum be able to say I have a "PR" again? ****PR- personal record.I wonder.......

• When people join a tennis league, does anyone ever ask them if they're good enough to play with Serena or Venus Williams?
• When people go out for a round of golf on Saturday, does anyone ever ask them if they're going to be playing with Phil Mickelson?
• When people are lacing up their soccer shoes to play a game with their friends, does anyone ever ask them if Pele is on the opposing team?  (Ok, with this one, probably not since he is retired......)
• When bicyclist set off for a morning ride, does anyone ask them if they're headed to the Tour de France?

There is a bit of a difference with running long distance events and all the other sports listed above.  Distance runners are running with elite/professional athletes.  Ok, to be more specific, we all set off at the same time, but that is about the only time that someone of my "racing" caliber is actually "running" with the elites.  But why does it matter?

• Does the fact that someone who plays tennis on a local league or with friends will likely never reach the level of Serena or Venus Williams make him/her any less of a tennis player?
• Does the fact that someone who is playing a round of golf with friends on Saturday at a local golf course will likely not play at Augusta, let alone with Phil Mickelson, make him/her any less of a golfer?
• Does the fact that someone playing in a social soccer league is more than unlikely to meet up with Pele for a few shots on goal make him/her any less of a soccer (um, 'football') player?
• And does someone who goes out and does endless miles on his/her bike, week after week, become any less of a cyclists just because he/she is likely never go to ride in the tour de France?

So why am I so hard on myself?I grapple with this all the time......Sometimes so much so I wonder if I can even call myself a "runner"......My PR in the half marathon is 2:05, and my PR in the marathon is 4:46.  Slow.  I understand readers who do not run have absolutely no concept as to whether that is fast or slow, but trust me, it's not fast.Here's an illustration of where I stand in my running speed......When I was running my first half marathon, I ran with a good friend of mine (Jenny).....We ran most of the race together but somewhere around mile 9 or so, she needed to pull back a little and encouraged (ok, I think it was closer to snapping at me) to go ahead- (hey, you're tired after running for 9+ miles).  I finished a minute or two earlier than her.  But somewhere between us, in that small amount of time, the "winner" of the FULL marathon was finishing......yes.....he ran 2xs the distance we did in the same time. Have perspective of my running speed now?But why does it matter?  Sadly, I can't even keep the pace I could a few years ago, but still....why does it matter?Running brings me peace.  It does not bring me fame.  It does not bring me fortune.  It does not bring me glory.  It brings me peace. It never did anything other than peace and pride in myself for doing something that is often really, really hard...but I do it anyway.For all the kids out there who run cross-country and track and will never get the opportunity to cross that finish line first, I hope that I (and all the midpackers out there) are a constant example to you to never, never give up.After all, for most of us, winning has never been the point anyway.......Love this quote....."Strength does not come from winning.  Your struggles develop your strengths.  When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength." Arnold Schwarzenegger."....when you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength".....beautiful.  When I'm running my 20 mile training run this weekend, no doubt at a snail's pace, I will be meditating on this very thought.  When I feel weak:  I am strong.Peace and Happy Friday everyone.  Get out there and do something that makes you strong this weekend......