What would you do with 33,959 days? (+/- a few) An uplifting tribute to "Driving Ms. Gloria"
Sunday August 16, 2015 the Matriarch of the family, and my beloved "Driving Ms. Gloria" died.Woke up this morning to go to yoga, pushing myself out of bed to face the dark and rainy gloom. Perfect for my mood. & Quite "perfect" as Grandma will be laid to rest today, and she so loved a rainy day.The sun is now beaming! Clearly she's still somewhere out there thinking about all of us, caring from us from beyond.When I spoke of my Grandmother in law's dying this week, it occurred to me many didn't understand "who" my Grandmother in Law really was to me. Some close to me or those who followed my blog might've had some glimmer of magnitude the relationship with her had on my life, but I can't be certain. Maybe. She was NOT a typical 93-year-old woman sitting in some nursing home just waiting to die. Nor was she a grandmother we saw on holidays and the occasional bbq. Rather, she was this vibrant, active, opinionated, witty, smart, humble, wise, and honest woman whom I had the honor to inherit 20+ years ago when I married into her family. Over the past few years, she also became my mostly weekly Thursday lunch date/and trips to Trader Joe's, Target, The Dollar Store, Podiatrist, Doctor for vitamin B12 shots or whatever else Grandma needed to do.This was a true honor. Grandma was fiercely independent. Fiercely. Up until her last days, the reality of having others care for her was something Grandma struggled with accepting. Over her lifetime, she spend an inordinate amount of time caring for others, and I'm pretty sure missed a few hundred meals in lieu of making sure others had their fill. She never lost the memory of the years living through the Depression, and was always grateful for the simple things. The setting of a pretty table, homemade cookies (her favorite were my cherry nut slices I made only at Christmas time), chatting with my older son about politics and his view of the world, listening to my younger son giggle, hugs, candy (oh did she love candy, she might actually been a certain % candy.....verdict is still out), and time. Spending time with her.....that meant more than anything.So over the past week, I have written and rewritten this blog SEVERAL times. I was thinking.... how do you sum up the life of a person? Especially someone I feel like I came late to the game to know.....When we would go out, Grandma would talk to EVERYONE. I would just assume go into/out of a store completely unnoticed and talk to no one. Grandma, however, would joke with or share some sort of witty banter with everyone. I always admired her ability to do so. And she always, always, always referred to me as her granddaughter. Never including "in law"....I was so proud. And honored. And felt loved.With every experience I have in life, I look to find what lessons can be learned. Through grief, especially, it is in honoring the pain and looking for some sort of light of wisdom that helps me get through the darkness. Grandma offered me so many lessons, so many gifts of her beautiful 93 year on this earth. Here are some of my favorites.....
- Show up and be on time. She would often say "It doesn't cost you anything to be on time." And really valued time. Through my juggling of family and work, I often struggled to "be on time" to get Grandma. Knowing the importance for Grandma to be there, I pushed myself and value the experience of being able to balance a lot in my life and still...still show up and be on time for life.
- Appreciate the Simplicity of Life. One of my favorite memories from recent days was from 2 of the staff members at Trader Joe's giving Grandma a bouquet of flowers....just because. She was beaming. And Speechless...which happened very infrequently. Diamonds and Pearls wouldn't have made her any happier, it was the simple things in life she cherished.
- Care for Others. Grandma raised 3 children and many grandchildren and helped to raise 5 great-grandchildren, including my 2 boys. She was so proud of her family. I loved to hear her talk about everyone's comings/goings and watch as she interacted with all of them. Each person, I am certain, felt as if he/she was her favorite. (I am convinced I was her favorite...still.) Take time to show others you care....it costs you nothing, and means everything!
- Laugh....often and much! Grandma really cracked herself up every time I saw her. Whether it was in reminiscing about days gone by or in lamenting over the trials of an aging body, she never lost her love of laughter. She was silly with my boys (17 & 13) until the very end, and filled their world with love and laughter and smiles. My last memory of her in the hospital included an exchange with the nurse over her concern she didn't have "undergarments on", oh the horror! And giggling at the realization that "commando" was all the rage in the hospital.....always the lady, always looking for the laughter through tears and sorrow. When the pain starts to lessen, I am certain we will always remember her heart warming laugh.
- Be accepting of others....even if you don't agree. Grandma was very opinionated. Many did not LOVE this about her. I grew to love and admire this trait. She was a devout Catholic, and very conservative. She was old-fashioned in her beliefs and not quick to change her opinions because it was socially acceptable to do so. I respected her for it. While she would often question why I worked so much, or why I continued to run marathons even though my body is often fighting injury, I never felt like she didn't love me even though she didn't agree all the time with what I did. She gave me the space to be me, and in the hours and hours and hours we spent together, grew to respect my equal independence and opinions on life. There's a quote that states: "if you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything." Peter Marshall While we didn't always see eye to eye, I grew to understand that loving someone and respecting someone allows space for respect even if we don't always agree....
- Surround yourself with Love. What I wouldn't give for one more trip to Polish Village Cafe, or to see her hold another baby, or to listen to her talk with my sons in the back seat of our car, or to watch her Cheshire smile come across her face as she tried to deny feeding our dog at the dinner table, or see her eyes light up as she listened to Glenn Miller, or hear her say "howdie doodie doodie" one more time...... she was happiest, when she surrounded herself with those she loved. Family. Always always always came first.
- Be Active! It was a family joke that we aren't sure we ever saw Grandma sit down for an entire meal (until her later days of life). She was constantly on the go. One last extremely memorable story of determination is this..... When Grandma was either 89 or 90, I had been at the pool with my kids on a very hot summer day. I arrived home to see an older woman with her walker coming down the street towards my house. I glanced for a second and proceeded up the house until I heard the sweet, spunky voice I knew all too well. I stood dead in my tracks. Yep. It was her! She had brought her walker (she seldom used) as she wanted to see if she could still walk to our downtown and sell some vintage hats she had sitting around in her house. The trip was at least a couple of miles. It was in the 90s! She said she walked "slow and took breaks." Seriously....... What could any of our excuses be, if she could do this at 89 or 90? Determination. Tenacity. And Always, always, always active. Until her poor little body couldn't do it anymore.
While Grandma didn't travel to far away places, or solve world hunger or world peace, or amass great wealth....she spent the better part of 33,959 caring for and serving others in her life & has left a permanent stamp of love on so many people's hearts. It is how she lived her life, truly lived each day of her life, that we will all remember. That is her legacy. I feel so honored to have spent but a few of those days with her on this planet and hope that one day, I will be able to be reunited with her in paradise and tell her thank you for sharing.....until we meet, this is where I think she is now, looking down and watching over all of her loved ones still.....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZaCqq1e87c