2021! Dare to start BEING who you were always meant to be!
Who would you be if you had the courage to TRULY be the version of yourself you know exists deep within you? Who would you be? The bravest, most compassionate, most creative, most amazing version of yourself…what does he/she/they look like to you? Who would you be if you were brave enough to be that person?
How much of our lives and our decisions are dictated by what others think or feel about our life choices? How often do you really sit down with yourself and ask yourself these questions:
Would my 10-year-old self be proud of the person I have grown into being?
Am I truly living the life I am meant to be living, or am I living a life that makes the life of others around me easier, at my own expense?
If I am not living the life I know I am meant to live, when am I going to live that life? If not now, then when?
Each new year, like many, I ponder the “resolution” concept, wondering if there are aspects of my life I want to change or improve. With the passing over into 2021, on the heels of what was a craptastic year known as 2020 or the year of the pandemic, I felt as if I was already deep into this contemplation before the new year turned over on our calendars. With all the heartache that accompanied 2020 for my family, our nation, our world… there is still light and joy that comes out of the space of despair. If we take time to intentionally think about what we really want/need in life, only in that space can the most authentic version of ourselves emerge. There are no short cuts, are you willing to do the work to discover the YOU, you were always meant to be?
2020 forced many of us to SLOW down. Slow WAY down. I can scarcely remember the busier version of myself, but I think she was exhausted most of the time. How frightening it is for many to even think about sitting with oneself. What are you afraid of discovering?
I have been told in the past (and I do not argue this point at all) my mind is a deep/dark space. Yes, part of me resembles this. There was a time my deep/dark thoughts scared me, so much so I wouldn’t tell many what I discovered in my searching. However, I have learned and truly embrace the belief that our dark side can be as illuminating as our light if we allow it to be. If we suspended the concept of right/wrong good/bad for a few moments, maybe we could allow the space for us to discover what is truly “right” for each of us. I am not suggesting going and committing a crime against another in honor of our “dark side,” hardly that truly goes against human nature in that humans are hardwired to help and support other humans. Not just some humans, ALL humans are hardwired this way. So if we removed that fear that my dark side (or yours) would sway you to be some horrible degenerate person, would that free up more space for you to explore who you REALLY want to be but perhaps are too afraid to face the judgment of others?
Like many introverts, I reclaim my energy in the space within me, that I alone can manage/control/express myself. It is so easy to get lost in the notion of evaluating our own successes based on what others are doing around us. Yet, in that process, we often forget that our lives are not meant to be in competition with the life journeys of others. YOU ARE NOT MEANT TO TAKE THE EXACT JOURNEY OTHERS ARE MEANT TO TAKE. You are also not meant to take the easy path all the time, for in doing so you are inadvertently telling yourself you are not strong enough to forge your own path. I am here to tell you that is untrue You are capable, every single person reading this, is capable of doing hard things. Look how many hard things you have already done in this life. You, dear reader, can do HARD things.
When I was 21, I went to visit a former friend for spring break. Before I left, I remember my parents telling me to have fun (of course) but not to come home with a tattoo. Did they already know, was their inner knowing suggesting this was indeed my intent? Now the former friend I was visiting did have many, so perhaps they were concerned he was going to negatively influence me. However, I knew long before that trip that I wanted to have one, not because it was the “cool thing to do” (this was over 2 decades ago, so long before it was mainstream to have them) but rather because I was trying to find my own way, my own full actualized version of myself. The part of me that never felt like I fit in growing up, was now shifting this concept inside me as a conscious effort to NOT fit in, and thus I was the one in control versus others making that decision for me. I was embracing my non-conformity.
As you can probably see where this story is going, I did come back with 1 tattoo. The questions did not come when I returned, and I kept it a secret for months. Until one day, I couldn’t take the pressure of the secret anymore, and I told my parents. The relief they felt when they learned versus the catastrophes they were making in their own minds was palpable at the moment I finally showed them. I, too, for a few moments was the victim of that harmful dance of wanting so badly to please others (especially my parents) that I lost focus of who I am and who I was growing into being.
That tiny, badly drawn and awkwardly placed tattoo has since been covered up with an amazing one! At times, I do have to fight within myself that desire to please others and stop myself from thinking too much about what would “insert whoever think” about my decisions. I choose to consciously remind myself that I am only responsible for the decisions I make in my life. What others think, is none of my business. There are now more than one that was able to be concealed from the outside world, and I have learned to sit with the discomfort of knowing while my decisions for how I choose to live my life (including but not limited to my decision to get tattoos) is not going to please everyone around me. As a recovering co-dependent (or in the process) that is TOUGH! But in those difficult spaces, the ones where we desperately want to crawl out of our own skin, is exactly where our growth comes. If we are existing in a space where everything is easy, then quite simply you are doing it wrong!
That reads harsh, and I thought about changing the wording, but nope! You are doing it wrong. Humans are not meant to be perfect, we are not meant to do everything right all the time. We are meant to evolve, and change, and think, and find the best version of ourselves to share with others. How do we do that if we are fixated on what other people are doing, or what they might want us to be doing?
In 2021, I challenge each of you to examine your life. To examine your soul. To examine your wants/desires/needs. To really look inward, allow yourself to see the dark and light that exists in all of us, and live BRAVELY the fullest expression of yourself. I can’t wait to see who you all become!
If not now…..then when?
