Are Zoom Happy Hours/Chat the new frontier for FOMO?
Prior to social distancing, Zoom (or similar) was perhaps a predominately work related venture. How many of you participated in virtual happy hours/book clubs/get togethers/yoga sessions prior to pandemic? I am sure all of these video platforms have data to support an absolute SURGE in usage, but do we even need that data to acknowledge the staggering increase in usage?
How would one know this to be true? Same source that allows us to know the ever important Newsworthy updates like:
What’s for dinner?
What funny thing child/dog/cat did (some seemingly on cue on video, weird?)
What distance he/she just completed while training for ‘insert whatever race here.”
What amazing far off land is he/she visiting this time?
I’ve wondered what the impact of posting things like Zoom Happy Hour/Gathering screen shots is having on others. I hear in my clinical practice more feelings of being left out, more desire to be figure out how to be included or to fit in. More feelings of insecurity surfacing for so many.
Recently, I was discussing with one of my “heart people” (she will remain nameless to not ‘out’ her disclosing to me her feelings on this) the ignorance is bliss that was reality for those of us old enough to NOT grow up with social media.
When someone said he/she was “busy” and declined our invite, we didn’t have to see said person hanging out with others and having a seemingly grand time! May be we could make up in our own mind he/she was diligently working on some urgent work project or the cure for cancer?
When someone said he/she couldn’t talk, we didn’t have the reminder that he/she “did have time to chat, just with a bunch of others via Zoom, and we weren’t invited.” We could’ve had the luxury to think he/she really wanted to talk with us, but was simply caring the his/her elderly neighbor or volunteering cleaning up the environment.
Now, on any given day because let’s be honest, what day it really is hardly matters in this alternate universe we are now living in since shelter in place, our feeds can be filled with various social “in-ings” which can stir up feelings of less than, not good enough and the newer version of FOMO (fear of missing out.)
For those having video happy hours or gatherings, why the need to post it? Is it akin to “did the tree in the forrest make a sound when it fell if no one was there to hear it?” Are people who post screen shots of gatherings aware that others may feel hurt or slighted or left out when they are doing this? Have you ever been on the other end and felt left out? Can you remember what it felt like to be in gym class wanting to be picked, and the anxious feelings that would surface fearing you’d be the last one? Or walking into the lunchroom and feverishly looking for a safe/welcoming place to sit and eat lunch? Well good to know all those icky feelings are sitting just below the surface, waiting for the perfect opportunity to resource and Yay! Pandemic and Zoom brings it all back….
You haven’t experienced any of this? Good For you? Actually…. No. I am sad for you.
Compassion and empathy often come from being on the other side being “cool” and really feeling sad & hurt. Sitting with those feelings, really feeling it all, and coming out of it… is a beautiful experience. I can without hesitation now say in my adult self, I would not trade my ability to empathize or show compassion for others to be included in the “Kool kids” table. I have been that “kid” that was left out, and now see it’s importance in creating me to be the person I am today. I am grateful.
In my conversation with my “heart person,” I shared my truth: seeing screen shots of anything that I am not invited to no longer negatively affects me. Partly because I am introverted and NEED time alone, often feeling drained by large gatherings of people. However, of more importance is my refusal to give power to others over my own happiness or peace. Rather, I work to direct time/energy to people, to causes, to endeavors that also give back to me. I do, however, understand what emotions this can elicit having experienced the hustling for my own worthiness dance countless times over my lifetime. When I could recognize what I was doing, and the painful results of feeling unworthy, I began to trust in the Universe more and began to focus more on the quality vs quantity of people in my life. Can you do this? Can you trust the Universe or God or the Divine will support you if you let go of the desire to “fit in” with others and trust in doing so you will find a place/others where you “belong” just as you are…..
You are enough. Just as you are. You are enough.
You are loved. You are worthy. Just as you are.
Wishing you all peace in this parallel universe we are now living in- and encourage you to find your tribe where you BELONG….. just as you are. (and no, you DO NOT have to post it on social media to prove it is real, to prove you matter. You matter, you are real, you are worthy, you are loved, EXACTLY as you are.)
Thank you my “heart person” for the inspiration to write today. Know among all others, You are so loved by me.
Peace…….
