How old were you when you first thought your body was "wrong?" Exploring the diet culture and fat shaming in our society
I’ve had so many topics circulating in my mind for my next book. Writing fuels my soul and is life-giving. Like most, I imagine, it is much easier to write about topics or “do the things” we have either mastered or feel really good about and have a solid understanding of the subject.
My weight, my body image, and how I feel about the body I live in, are neither of those things. And yet, there is a part of me that is leaning towards exploring and writing about this more extensively as it seems to be getting louder and louder in my head. I want to better understand where the rigid standards of female (and male) beauty come from and how we as a society, can learn to challenge and destroy that narrative once and for all.
While in my clinical practice, I “feel” like I am very effective in helping others work through and find body acceptance, I wonder how accurate that statement is. Is it a blindspot? Why am I not doing the work on this very real issue for myself? Isn’t that the definition of hypocritical if I hold space and honor the body all my clients are in, but my own?
As a child, I always felt like I was bigger than my peers, though photos from my childhood suggest otherwise but that is hardly the point. Reality and what we think do not always match.
I remember being told:
I had thunder thighs.
I needed to “watch my weight.”
Stand up straight and suck in my stomach.
Wear and not wear certain clothing items, because others determined what would be flattering on the body I had.
Why? Who got to determine what I should look like, and in doing so, they have interfered with my own ability to assess my own body, for me! The distortion we have of ourselves is only one part of the discussion. Why others think they need to comment on, give input or advice about, or judge another based on his/her weight is confusing to me. And yet, I wonder how often I do it too?
Earlier today, I heard one of the participants state her weight in actual pounds on this podcast (attached below) I was listening to on body image, diet culture, and “fat.” At that moment, many things went through my head. First, wow! That is brave…and then right behind that thought was, why is that brave? Why does it matter how much someone weighs? Why is it something we keep as a secret? Professionally, I know keeping a secret is the absolute best space environment for shame to grow. And who needs more shame?
Why do we as a society praise people for “losing weight” and shame them, either outwardly or silently in our own thoughts, when we think they “could lose a few pounds” or gained a few pounds?
In my nearly 52 years of life, I have been on more diets than I can probably recall. Even when I am not officially dieting, I still think about the food I eat, how much of it I am eating, how much exercise I will be doing that day to burn off that food, and how much my scale will say I weigh and if it will be happy with my number (yes, I wrote that…I KNOW it is irrational) that shows up that morning. This is my Every. Single. Day.
Every. Single. Day.
I am 5’3 on a good day and in my adulthood (with the exception of my pregnancies because I refused to see the number on the scale during that time) I have weighed between 121 and 174. I have been unhappy with my body in both spaces. Being 121 lbs, which I am not now, did not make me any happier in my body. I exist somewhere in the middle, though not as brave as my friend who was on the podcast and freely spoke of her own weight, but I hope one day to get there.
What I know about shame is this: the more we talk about that thing we are ashamed of, the power is taken away from that thing we feel ashamed of and shame cannot exist in that space any longer. Talking about the things that we are ashamed us actually frees us from that shame!
I know this. I am not there, yet.
As a society, we are the problem! Western culture values being thin and appears to turn a blinds eye to the methods which far too many people who are not genetically “thin” actually go through to achieve those body frames.
Starving.
Cutting out.
Fat sucking.
Excessively exercising.
Taking unregulated supplements.
Or, taking medications with the hope they will get one to the desired or culturally acceptable weight.
Until we start to challenge this system, until we start to look at each of our bodies as having value and the DIFFERENCES in our bodies as valuable and beautiful, I worry we are at risk for continuing this toxic culture around body image.
So…the bad news is I don’t have it all figured out. Sorry…I’m working on it….
the GOOD news is I hope this is the start of the conversation and invite anyone (readers and those who you might want to share this with) to have further conversations about this…. owning our own stories….. stepping into our own truth takes the POWER away from others who are trying to put shame on who and what we are, so they can feel better about their own decisions or what they feel is a superior body- no matter how they achieved that body shape.
I invite comments. Let’s start the conversation and please let me know if you want to be part of this process of unpacking and maybe reinventing the nature of body image in our culture.
As babies, we believe our bodies to be amazing! Fascinating! Perfect. Just spend some time with a toddler and watch them as they look at their perfectly round and squishy bodies with wonder. It isn’t until someone tells them (as they grow) that those same squishy/round bodies are something other than “amazing & fascinating & perfect” that they even question their own truth. Let us be the start to END this phenomenon and allow each of us to grow naturally into the perfectly imperfect humans, of all shapes and sizes, we are meant to be.
Wishing you all peace, and love for the body you are in….
