Follow Your Dreams: Don't be like "Mr. Tanner"
Singer/songwriter and folk music were familiar genres found on the car radio of many children born in the 1970s. I remember car rides as a child with the likes of James Taylor, Bread, Ambrosia, Carole King and the like filling the space with their melodic tunes. I was slightly OBSESSED with Harry Chapin, so much so when I was in college at UD and met one of his children (a childhood friend of one of my roommates visiting for the weekend) I rambled on and on and on about how talented his Dad was and how much I loved his music. I am sure it was not one of my finest and most eloquent of moments as I remember it was late at night after a few adult beverages. I digress…..
I loved his music. I loved the way he told stories through his music. I loved the timeless nature and the calm that I felt when I listened to his music. I was especially drawn to the song attached “Mr. Tanner.” I used to say I loved it as it mentioned the town where I went to college. Even when I would say those words out loud, I didn’t really believe that was what drew me to this song specifically but was unsure why I loved it so. Today…I figured it out.
I have had a dream to write a book for the better part of my 50 years. Yes. I am 50! Yikes! I have started and stopped so many times I have now lost count. While my day job as a psychotherapist I have very few insecurities or questions about my abilities, my writing is a very different endeavor for me. When I think about my writing, I have so many insecurities and fears it has kept me stuck in place for at least a decade.
In this song, if you are unfamiliar, Mr. Tanner’s day job is working at a dry cleaner. His passion, however, was singing….
“Music was his life. It was not his livelihood, and it made him feel so happy, it made him feel so good. And he sang from his heart, and he sang from his soul, and he did not know how well he sang, it just made him whole.”
I imagine this person singing during the hours he was working cleaning other people’s clothes, sharing his gift with his customers for years as they came in/out of the dry cleaners. When he go out of his comfort zone, traveling to New York for a professional audition, he received very harsh criticism about his abilities. And as the song goes…he never sang again. I tear up when I hear that part of the song every time.
I signed a contract for my very first book today. When I heard this song today it hit me…. in my current scenario, I am Mr. Tanner! I’ve been writing for so long, in somewhat of a vacuum with very well-meaning friends/family applauding my writing abilities, but…what if they are wrong?
What if my book bombs?
What if I don’t sell one copy?
What if critics rip apart my book, challenging my thoughts on inner and world peace?
What if I’m not that good?
My heart breaks every time I hear the words “He went home to Dayton, was questioned by his friends. He smiled and said nothing, and he never sang again.” When one attaches the decision to continue with one’s passion only if you receive critical acclaim or awards or income, you are inadvertingly giving your power away to another. You are allowing another to make a decision on how and what you do with your life. Writing is my creatife outlet. While I could give up many things in my life, like my recent purging of Diet Dr Pepper from my life, a little part of me would die inside if I stopped writing. I don’t want to lose my love for writing, and I’m terrified to go through the editing/proofreading/and now publishing of my book. TERRIFIED! And yet I am aware this would be the one goal in my life that would haunt me on my death bed if I didn’t take the chance to see…what “might” be.
How do fears keep you stuck in your life?
Do you ignore your passions for fear of judgment of others?
What would you consider doing if you didn’t worry about the outcome?
When we are uncomfortable in life, we can freeze or run, or we can learn to sit with the discomfort and see the discomfort as a growth-opporunity. I am choosing this perspective. If the world hates my writing, if the only copies are disseminated to my family and friends for years to come, if I never made a dime on my book… I am still a writer. I am still worthy. And I will not follow the path that “Mr. Tanner” did and let what others say about me or my writing dictate what I decide to do with my life. Including… my writing…..
Wishing you all peace, and today I also wish you courage to follow your dreams, even if you are the only one who knows what they are & understands the value in your life.