Peace.....with pain
Small victory. The past 3 times I've been out running, I've had little or no pain. Small victory.I've lived the past 4 years with some degree of pain, and been to so many different doctors/specialists to diagnosis and deal with the pain, I have almost forgotten what it feels like to not have pain. 2009, I traveled to Orlando to run in Disney's marathon. During the 4 months of training, I had endured sub-zero temperatures, complete with icicles dangling from my braids in my hair, with no injury. Training was near perfect. I was excited to run my 2nd marathon with my best friend, Erin, and several other friends (all their first) throughout the 4 parks. The day began at 3:30 am, the race started at 5:50 am with a firework display only Disney can produce! The first 8 miles were nearly effortless, I was elated as I knew from previous races nothing is guaranteed in running. Then it happened....a shooting pain down my right leg that brought tears to my eyes. At mile 8.For those of you who don't know....marathons are 26.2 miles. Always. Unless it is labeled an ultra marathon (yes, there are some who think 26.2 isn't far enough to run), marathons are always this distance. I had already completed one, and know that at some point, there is some discomfort that occurs for all runners. Even the Kenyans (or Elite runners, not always necessarily Kenyan, but often they are). But as I evaluated in my head the degree of pain I was having, with the mileage I still had to somehow cover, I was almost panicked. I walked. I jogged. I cried. I took copious amounts of Advil. I applied as much biofreeze as humanly possible on my leg. I prayed. I pleaded to God. I cursed those who said "way to go walkers" as I limped by the well-meaning spectators. But most importantly that day, I finished. I finished in 5:59:59. A full one hour and 15 minutes slower than my best time, but I FINISHED!Pain can be debilitating. But somewhere along the way, I've learned to cope with it and be at peace with what I now know is piriformis syndrome, pain that often mimics sciatic nerve pain and has really no "cure" but can be managed. I don't remember a time that I wasn't aware of the nerve that runs down my leg (literally, referred to as a "pain in the ass" for a reason), but have learned to be grateful for the times that I can manage it versus allowing it to take over my life. 3 runs this past week, all with little pain. I'm grateful.I've learned to become my own advocate. If I had stuck with traditional medicine to help deal with the pain, and the criticism of some who don't understand why I run, I'd be living on pain killers and probably would've given up running long ago. Instead, I've found the best massage therapist ever (Emily from Greenleaf Body Works in Ferndale), use a tennis ball to help alleviate the pain while sitting through hours of client sessions, meditate through painful episodes, and have transformed my attitude on running from "I need to run this race" to "I want to run forever, and what do I need to do to take care of my body so that I can do that?"I surround myself with people who remind me that I'm stronger than pain. My "running friends", my friends and family...even if they don't all understand the degree to which the pain affects me, each in his/her own way have reminded me along the way that I can do anything I set my mind to doing. Maybe it's my stubbornness? Who would've thought that'd be a gift, really?Years ago, I heard this story told by a family friend. I have used this same story in private practice over the years as well..... A group of people gathered in a circle, all with various "pains" (some physical, some emotional) in their lives. Each person complained that his/her "pain" was worse than the other persons, all stuck in his/her own grief and unable to move forward. The facilitator of the group asked each person to write down his/her "pain" on a piece of paper, and put into a basket. He then instructed the group members to choose a "pain" from the basket. In doing so, each person would be able to leave his/her own "pain" behind and take on someone else's. One by one the group members passed the basket around and they carefully read each "pain" on the slips of paper, and made their selections.Want to guess what happened? Each person in the group selected their own "pain" to deal with again. While we may not always know the reasons why, or how we are going to get through whatever it is that we're facing, in some way we all have the coping skills necessary to handle whatever life presents us. While I wish that I had the healing powers to take away another's pain, and wish that I understood the greater purpose of my own, what I am certain is I'm at peace with my own pain and in doing so, am able to help others find a way to be at peace with theirs. Maybe that's part of the "plan"?Quote for tonight...."Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain." Joseph CampbellHappy 2013 everyone. May we all find a peace and joy in life this year, and always.