peace...found in forgiveness (no, really!)

"To excuse for a fault or offense; pardon.  To renounce anger or resentment against", is a definition of forgiveness.As a child, I heard through attending mass and through the teachings of my parents the benefits of forgiveness, often phrased someway of being "called to forgiveness" or "forgive others as we would want them to forgive us"....Clearly, I was still confused on the process.Over confidently, I believed forgiveness to be easy for me.  Being able to quickly and often permanently cast into my past those who have wronged me in someway was a skill I think I mastered.  Past boyfriends.  Friends.  Roommates.  Professors who gave me a less than desirable grade on a term paper. Gone.  In an instant from my life, I would consciously think I've forgiven him/her for hurting or wronging me, and thought I let it go.  I was unwilling, almost universally, to allow a person in my life, however, for a second chance.  Over years, I built walls around me, and let few in to get to know the real me.But I've been wondering...is that really forgiveness?  And in the end, who really was I hurting by "forgiving" in this way?And what if the person who wronged or hurt me was someone I couldnt' so easily cast aside?In practice and various instances over the past few months, I've been challenged on this very idea.  I've contemplated what it means to truly forgive, and how can I better practice what I so often teach in practice with clients.There is a song from Mike & the Mechanics called "Living Years" (I think) from the 80s.  It was released while my Mom's Dad was dying.  I remember listening to the lyrics and thinking how poignant it was....here was a man who hadn't often been the best husband, father, or grandfather, now reliant on the very people he had so routinely hurt, for care and support.  Was my Mom's lesson to forgive him for his benefit, or for hers?True forgiveness goes beyond what I once thought it to be.  It's not enough to simply say I forgive someone for hurting us or wronging us, if in the end we close ourselves off to the rest of what human kind has to offer.  Humans are tragically flawed, and we often screw up.  All of us.  But we are also capable of great love and kindness and compassion.  With towering walls built around us to protect from harm, we also risk the opportunity to know the beauty that mankind has to offer. If my Mom had decided to not forgive my Grandpa on some level, and chosen to believe that all men behaved as my Grandpa had in his life, then she might have missed the opportunity to be loved by and love my Dad.  And what a tragedy that would have been for so many.Forgiveness, is a gift we give ourselves.  As the definition reads, it is to renounce anger or resentment against, and in doing so we are able to free ourselves of the stress that brings our body, mind, and spirit.Recently, I was given the opportunity to forgive a friend who hurt me.  I am grateful for the opportunity we both have at a restored friendship.  I am humbled by the process, and wonder if roles were reversed, would I have had the courage to ask for forgiveness?  Would I have been too stubborn to miss the opportunity to right a wrong?  Gives me pause for thought.....Quote to leave for tonight..... "When you forgive, you in no way change the past- but you sure do change the future." Bernard MeltzerPeace.......