peace......in the journey, right?

There are days I need to remind myself.  Living life with peace, takes practice.  It's in the title of my blog, it's how I sign my name in emails and letters and cards, it's posted all around me as I write, yet there are days....the concept of "peace" escapes me.I remember a time long ago when I was struggling with personal issues (new parenthood, Dad with cancer, etc) and feeling very alone.  I would see others around me seemingly happy and seemingly oblivious to the difficulties I was going through.  Because they were uncaring?  I'm certain not, although I admit back then, I wasn't all that sure.  Rather, I became very good at replying that I was "fine" whenever I was asked and others carried on with their lives unaware of the internal hell I was experiencing inside.  (Have I shared the acronym for "fine" yet?  I will later in blog...)You see, therapists, in general, are much better at listening to others than sharing their own issues.  Not that they don't like to talk.  Oh GEEZ NO!  Most I know do at nauseum (self included)....rather it's easier to just keep focus on other's issues than to expose our own. Don't look behind the mirror philosophy.So....a spell after processing my own issues, a friend of mine called me on the phone one day....asking for advice and help as she was going through a difficult time.  Her calling me was not because she knew I could relate "personally", rather because I was a friend who happened to also be a "therapist" and she thought to call me for "quasi-professional" advice.  When I relayed some of my own journey with a difficult period in my life, she seemed stunned.  Why?  Stunned...because I had never shared with anyone and I became particularly adept in putting on a good face.It was in that moment I had decided I didn't want to live my life in the shadows and never wanted others to feel as I had, that if I had exposed to someone what I was going through that I was in some way "less than" or "flawed." Because in reality, I already (as we all are) am flawed.  But I sorta love that in some ways.  I like that when I have clients who come to me in need, I can truly empathize with them and pray that they feel that from my responses.  I like that when friends call me for help, as I come from a place of compassion and never judge the struggles of others, knowing the toll it takes on a person feeling like you have to go it alone.Maybe it is from listening to a whole lotta "Smiths" in high school and college?  Perhaps, perhaps, I have a tendency towards melancholy?  Laughing a little writing the words.....So blogging about my own personal struggles and "oh today is kinda shitty" doesn't seem all that scary.  I figure if I can help one person in helping him/her feel not so all alone, isn't it worth it?  Isn't that what life is all about? Connecting with others in this tapestry known as the humankind experience?I looked back in old blogs to see if I put the definition of "fine"....I couldn't find it.  If I did already write, it's worth repeating.A former co-worker of mine, when I responded, "I'm fine" gave me a wonderful acronym for the word...Fine.

• F'd up
• Insecure
• Neurotic
• Emotional

I laughed out loud.  Never, ever can I say the words (or quite honestly hear them) without laughing.  Thank you Erin (the very talented and beautiful art volunteer at Gilda's Club Metro Detroit) for giving me a wonderful perspective.Quote for the day....quite fitting....."It is not enough to talk about peace.  One must believe in it.  And it isn't enough to believe in it.  One must work at it." Eleanor RooseveltOh how I love that quote.  And yes, I'm working at it....Peace.....