Friends are friends, forever. A tribute to a UD friend, gone too soon.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JsJ_TDaItMI was wasting time on computer yesterday morning...worrying about superficial BS, sifting through a seemingly endless sea of emails and messages, recovering from the long two days prior.....when I received a message from a sorority sister..... and was stopped me dead in my tracks.A college friend killed herself the night before.WHAT?Silence.....filling the space.Silence.Time stands still.  Maybe it's the process of trying to make sense of nonsensical words?  The brain's way of slowing down words to try to grasp what is being said.A few weeks back, I wrote a blog about suicide after Robin Williams had killed himself.  I struggled to write it, disclosing my own "dark side" and struggle with depression in the past, in a hopes to perhaps give someone else strength in knowing that while I may present now as being happy and positive, that was not always my status.  I have worked really hard to get to this point.  Still.....writing it almost seemed superficial, like because Robin Williams was always a larger than life figure, he remained just that, a "figure"....all awhile in reality he is someone's husband, father, friend.....just like my friend....she may now be relegated to the statistics for suicide this year, but she was a beloved daughter, sister, wife, mother, neighbor, co-worker, and to me (and countless others) and beautiful friend.  So much more than her method of death.I included the above song for a reason (of course, few things in my life are happenstance, much to the chagrin of many who know me)This was the last song I remember when I gathered with my friends at UD.  I'm wondering if others remember it as I do. Every time I have heard it since then, it instantly brings me back to sitting around with my friends.....A friend of mine asked me yesterday if I knew her well, or if she was just a college acquaintance.  I have written so many times in my blog about my years at University of Dayton and my feelings (and most alum feelings) about our school....and wonder if my explanation about the University has become trite by now. But alas...here it is....No one was a stranger there.  We were all friends.  I know that sounds weird, but it's true.  It felt like we were all family.And while part of me wants to write about the tragedy that is her deciding to end her own life, I don't feel like that's my story to tell.  I don't know why she made that decision, I can only imagine that in some way, it seemed better than whatever she was experiencing in life.  It's hard to grasp, you know, thinking this beautiful woman with a loving husband and 3 lovely children, would choose death over life.  But....I didn't walk in her shoes and I'd never presume to judge the pain and tolerance of another.  I have been too close to the edge to ever judge someone else's journey.So....what can I write about in honor of our friend?Friendship.In a few moments.....the texts/the phone calls/the Facebook messages were flying in disbelief and a desire to connect with one another, to comfort in a time of sorrow.  20+ years had passed for many of us and in a moment, we were right back at UD wanting to be there for one another as if no time had passed.  Why do we wait for times like this as a reminder of the value of friendship?  Why do we think that "lifetime's not to long, to live as friends"....means 100+ years as a lifetime.Tomorrow is not guaranteed for anyone.  Through tragedy.  Through sickness.  Tomorrow is not guaranteed for anyone.  For no one.In what others have referred to as my "dark and scary mind" (I like to think of it as a deep contemplative mind, but they can think what they think), I find it perplexing that we DON'T embrace our days more.  We fiddle away our days with superficial BS when in reality, there is so much more to life that we could be doing. Are we just passing time, or is there some larger picture we are mostly missing?I'm hoping I can figure out what that is.  To give honor to my friend's life.  Maybe as a way to help others who are suffering in silence, to show there is another way, to find light and peace."Done is better than perfect." Sheryl Sandberg.  This is the quote that resonated with me today.Maybe it is in seeking "perfection" that we forget to just be.To reach out to others.To be the friend we would like someone to be to us.To try even when we're afraid.To live our life "as an exclamation, rather than an explanation."What's your piece of the larger mural of life?Peace......***to help further honor my friend.... www.nationalmssociety/Chapters/MIG