Embracing the Change in Holiday Traditions
My childhood Thanksgivings were filled with tradition, most of which revolved around the patriarch and matriarch of our family, my grandparents. While the food spread looked similar to the above, the setting was far less fancy. My grandparents lived in a modest bi-level house, surrounded by old apple trees. The house was, as any Polish family can relate, eclectic & functional, and filled with family treasures. None worth significant money, but priceless nonetheless. The Wedgewood-blue dishes. The chicken (?) cookie jar. The mix of glasses and dinnerware. The red corduroy hide-away sofa of death (another story for another time). It felt like HOME. 15 of us would gather together every Thanksgiving....and I kid you not this is my best attempt at offering you a glimpse of the grandeur that was our "Polish family Thanksgiving."A large covered table that one might otherwise call a pool table, as 364 days a year, it was indeed a pool table, is where our family would gather. (Despite the fact that I have no memory of anyone ever playing pool.) Mixed-matched chairs, especially the rolling "pleather" office chair, was THE coveted chair for the grandkids. The token "kids" table- current memory is an additional table for the 4 grand-girls. I will try to not read into that anymore than I already am.....An old rotary phone that sat on a desk for no apparent reason than to amuse us as it no longer worked....And....did I mention this was the "unfinished" part of the basement? Certainly having it on the other side would make more sense, but having the food elegantly displayed on the washer/dryer that had a sheet on it as a "table cloth" & old clothes hanging on one side of the room and a bed on the other...you know, in case someone needed a nap mid dinner? Just added to the warmth and chaos that was our family Thanksgiving.Nothing was fancy. Nothing was proper. Nothing was high-class. Yet....it was perfect!The grandkids created elaborate plays for the grownups to suffer through, I mean enjoy. Old ballerina outfits and old clothes were our formal costume department. We were tight. We were inner-connected and it felt like LOVE.As we have grown, most of us have our own children and extended families and that tradition has long gone. But the memories, remain. If I close my eyes, I can feel myself there.All week in my clinical practice, the Thanksgiving and the holidays has shown up for clients. Who isn't talking to whom. Who said or did this or that. Who never offers to bring a dish to pass. Politics. Drunk Uncle or Aunt so & so. And the loss...of family members or friends along the way. From death or from estrangement, adjusting to a new normal and being able to see it as a growth opportunity can be the key to embracing/celebrating the holidays versus dreading them.Had our original family tradition continued exactly as it was, unchanged, would we miss out of the flexibility of being able to celebrate another day- more fully- more present? Yes. Now, that same Polish family with the addition of spouses and children, gathers the Saturday before Christmas. In honor of our grandparents, without any other engagements, we are all together. Life is always changing, but the memories and the love shared is so powerful that time and space cannot destroy them. While our ballerina outfits have now been replaced with lovely dresses or sharp outfits, the connection to showing up and celebrating together has never ended, it has just evolved.Had our family tradition continued exactly as it was, unchanged, would we miss out on the opportunity to spend Thanksgiving with others who have come into our life & have deep roots and meaning? Yes. This year a dear friend is joining us again, and while my extended family is warm and welcoming (sometimes overly so) being able to have a smaller gathering allows for more intimate conversations and a slowed-down pace for the day. Who doesn't need that from time to time? While there are certainly moments I long for a return to that simple time in our grandparents unfinished basement, expanding our lives with others only expands the circle of love and support around us.So to wrap up my trip down memory lane, some tips for not only getting through this holiday season, but learning how to embrace and celebrate, even if it isn't how you might have hoped it to be.....
Create your own traditions. Find meaning. Literally share/break bread with one another and express a simple gratitude for this past year.
Show up. Fully present. Intentionally be with your family. Turn the TV off. Put your phones away. Gasp. Be Present with your family or friends. At least for dinner. Be in the moment......
Be thankful if you are among the majority of Americans who gain weight from Thanksgiving to Black Friday- it means you aren't worrying about how to pay for your dinner and you have friends/or family to feed you! A few pounds you can lose, friends/family- true ones- are irreplaceable.
Practice gratitude throughout the year. Not just for the day. Do you want to live a happier more joy-filled life? Then practice gratitude DAILY.
I hope you all can relate on some level as I am certain we weren't the only family with such a picturesque backdrop for family gatherings...hoping all who read this today or over the holiday season have a peace-filled/joyous Thanksgiving and holiday season.