Keep "The Grinch" in check this holiday Season. Celebration tips for all!
If you are among those who believe Christmas is the most magical time of year you probably aren't going to read this post anyway, but I so wish you would. Perhaps more people would have increased compassion for those who don't celebrate Christmas and find those of us who do slightly obnoxious and insensitive in our merriment. Maybe more would understand how difficult the "holiday" season, regardless of which actual holiday you celebrate this "season", can be if you have recently lost a loved one, are living with a physical illness, living with depression or another mental health diagnosis, or struggling to buy your family presents to put under the tree. While sure, most of us, myself included, have extremely fond memories of Christmas, this is not the reality for all. Every year, I start the holiday season hoping this year we, as humans, we will have less complicated relationships, less family drama, fewer heartaches and be able to enjoy the "season" as the creators of said holidays intended. Then I think, did they intend for them to be joyous or is that a social construct we have created along the way? An unrealistic desire that is destined to fail from the onset? Without fail, each November/December brings an onslaught of clients, old and new, discussing and looking for ways to be able to not only get through the holidays, but perhaps enjoy them. Every. Single. Year. I have written in the past about my somewhat idyllic recollection of holidays as a child. Performing ridiculous holiday plays/pageants for our relatives. Dressing up in my aunt’s childhood ballerina dresses. Painfully slowly opening up presents in my grandparents basement, one by one by one, so that each family member could see what each person received from others...even though we All knew each adult female would get very similar items, each adult male would get the obligatory shirt/tie and each female and male grandchild would also have a similar gift in mind. It was like clockwork, every single year. But in its predictability, for all of us children, it was perfect and magical. and it is not lost on me that my memories are that of a child. As an adult, with the protective veil of childhood innocence lifted, we start to recognize the family conflict, internal struggles & heartaches perhaps our parents protected us from seeing. It is my hope that ALL children get to feel that joy of the holidays surrounded by loved ones, performing ridiculous plays or pageants for their adult relatives & friends, passing out in front of the fireplace exhausted from all the surgery treats. If we are doing good job as adults, in my humble opinion, we DO keep the drama, the heartache, the sadness from our children, even if for a few days soOn paper, that seems counterintuitive, right? We are all programmed to believe the holidays are AMAZING and GLORIOUS for everyone, and yet, if you have been on the planet long enough to look around, it is MORE typical that the holiday season bring stress and perhaps some disappointment than any other emotions. Hopefully not entirely, but certainly it is a mixed bag of emotions and not at all what the Hallmark holiday movies would depict them to be. Not all families are functional. Not all people feel love. Not all humans have a safe and loving home to go to for the holidays. Not everyone is filled with whatever holiday spirit he/she may be brought up to celebrate.Wow. That's a depressing start to a post, right? But there ARE things we can do to help ourselves, and those around us if we look at the holidays thorough the lens of an adult, with the spirit of a child.
Release what does not serve you anymore. The "Christmas card" sending. The holiday party you really want to skip. The random obligatory gift exchange. Ask yourself "why am I doing this?" If your livelihood does not depend on you sending that card, attending the party, or doing the gift exchange and it brings more stress than joy...then why are you doing it?
Schedule time for YOU. Yes. For YOU. Are you exercising? Are you meditating? Are you getting a massage or your nails done or ...the things that might seem indulgent or "unnecessary" this time of year but help you to FEEL your absolute best. Then why.... this time of year ESPECIALLY ...why are you NOT doing them?
Invite those to your gatherings who might not have a place to go. Do you have family/friends who are widowed? Divorced? Without family/friends around? Estranged from family/friends? Another religion or faith background? Look around you and SEEK those who need support. Of all the things, opening my home to those who don't have a table to plop themselves down in front of and be SERVED this time to year, it is the most rewarding and fulfilling. I feel so blessed to have a home others feel comfortable to be themselves in and feel loved.
If you can, shop ahead, wrap ahead, bake ahead, prepare...prepare...prepare. Not with massive frenzied energy, but do things intentionally and set oneself up for success. Early in my marriage, it drove my husband a little crazy that I needed lists, I needed plans, I needed to think about what I was serving for dinner weeks in advance so that my anxiety was kept in check. Yes, it is not a mystery for those around me to SEE my anxiety if I don't. I have learned, and not those around me have as well, preparing and doing things intentionally, incrementally, is THE best way for me to keep my anxiety in check.
Limit your drinking. I know. I know. This one won't be popular for those who like to celebrate with a few holiday spirits. "How else do you expect me to engage with Uncle so & so who says that THING every year and makes me so angry?" I know. We have all been there. But alcohol is a depressant. Despite how 'lively' one might feel after having a cocktail or two....afterwards...how do you feel? If you are over 40, for like 2 days after, how ya feeling? That is what I want us ALL to avoid. Avoid giving our power over to a substance that only slightly and temporarily makes things feel better. Try a "mock-cocktail." Something still bubbly and festive, but without the effects that will skew your ability to enjoy the marathon of a season that is "the holidays." Or at a minimum, be conscious of how much you are drinking and alternate with water.
Schedule down-time. Watch the cheesie-holiday movies. Walk in your neighborhood and really look at the decorations your neighbors have labored to install. Read to your children, more. Have the cocoa with mini marshmallows on a random Tuesday. Look at old photos. Practice gratitude. Call that friend you've been meaning to re-connect with but are too busy in your day to day. (which you are not, that is an excuse, we all have TIME...it's about priorities but that's another topic for another time....) Sleep. Take a bath. Read a good book for just YOU. Show yourself compassion, so you can show compassion to the world.
Volunteer. Yes. In small or big ways, make sure you GIVE of yourself this time of year. Donate money, sure....especially this time of year it is needed by many. But can you give more, meaning time? Schedule time to go to your local soup kitchen or food bank. Gather donations for your child's school and give a family in need. Our local hospital has an amazing and simple tradition of gathering each evening and shining our flashlights outside the hospital up to the children's wing to symbolically "tuck them in at night." Thousands of people EACH night in December gather to sing songs (not that the children can hear, since we are outside) and shine flashlights up towards them as they shine theirs back towards us. It seems simple, silly even, but each year I leave with tears....both in thanksgiving my children are healthy and with me as I am doing this, but also that we as a community are supporting in a very very simple way those who aren't as fortunate this time of year.
Focus on the why. Why are your buying this "thing." Why are running yourself ragged? Why are you overextending in money and time? Why? Why? Why? We are enough, just as we are. You do not have to buy another person's love. You do not have to show up at every single event if your body and spirit are telling you rest is really what you need. You do not have to do anything that feel inauthentic or obligatory just 'because.' You. Are enough.
Reach out to those who might be hurting. Be the friend or family member who goes the extra mile to reach out to your friend who might be struggling. Yes, holiday can be magical and glorious, but not for all. For some, it's a reminder of the loneliness he/she feels all year long, only amplified with the 'holiday season' expectations. You can make a difference in the life of another by just 'showing up' and demonstrating to the other, he/she is not alone. Whatever your faith, isn't that a foundational element for all humans, to support one another, otherwise what's the point? You can make a difference in the life of another...just by holding space and showing up.
In re-reading my list, I recognize the mixed bag of recommendations for those who are and those who are not in the holiday spirit. Truly, that is the point. We are all in this thing called "life" together, and if you are among the "holly jolly- this is the best season even" camp- awesome! But know, you may one day be in the "omg, make this holidayseason go away!" camp and knowing that others have you when you feel like you are falling apart, is the absolute best gift and in my humble opinion, truly the reason for the season......Peace and Happy Holidays.... however you may celebrate. However you show up. You....are enough.