Ever Wonder what it's like in a Sweat Lodge? (Claustrophobics, this is for YOU!)

“Do Something Every Day that Scares You!” Eleanor Roosevelt

A few Sundays ago….I did.

• Are you claustrophobic?

• Do you like to have control over your environment?

• Do you like to engage in activities and practices you are familiar with or have some sort of understanding or mastery over?

  Well……if this describes you even just a little…. this blog is for you!

The attached photo is in some magical/tropical (unknown to me) space with a permanent Sweat Lodge structure on it. I included it for reference, to better understand the space I am referring to. Out of respect for the spiritual tradition I was fortunate enough to participate in but not be part of, I will keep specifics about the ritual vague. Choosing to focus on my experience, I hope, helps others who might also be allowing their fears to keep them small, stuck, or limiting their potential. My specific experience is not nearly as important as understanding the role FEAR can play in each of our lives.

We all have fears, often connected to the unknown and what we have heard in our lives about certain situations or creatures, etc that feed the narrative in our minds. While I have shockingly never encountered a shark in the wild, despite my lifetime of seeking beach vacations that border bodies of water where such creatures live, I have heard and watched enough videos to believe (albeit unrealistically, perhaps) such a creature is waiting in the water to chomp on my leg or arm if I let myself get too comfortable or too far in the water. The FEAR I have of sharks is based on what messages I have allowed to shape the narrative I have in my head of sharks being aggressive human eaters. It’s what’s in my head, not my experience, that makes me FEAR the sharks. It’s what is in my head that limits my ability to truly enjoy swimming freely in the ocean. The narrative is all in my head, not my personal experience.

Claustrophobia, however, does have a known experience in my life. I had not realized how incredibly primal that fear was until …well this, as I have avoided the opportunity to face this fear by limiting my experiences, and politely passing on opportunities to either test myself or grow out of this fear. Crawling into this structure, sitting close to strangers, feeling the temperature rise as each hot rock was placed inside and then “poured” with water to create steam…I thought, ok it’s tight, it’s really warm (little did I know) but yeah…it’s ok……..

Then…..

The flap on the outside was turned down. Darkness…… like I have never, ever experienced in my life.

(The Sweat Lodge I experienced had a very, very, thick canvas cloth that covered the structure. The cloth was heavy and opaque blocking out every single molecule of light that could enter the structure once the flap was closed. )

As soon as that flap was turned down…..this shy, quiet, introverted me let out a very loud “OMG, I can’t do this I need to get out!”

Being a psychotherapist, I have both read about and spoken to clients about the reptilian brain. In MacLean’s triune brain model, the basal ganglia are referred to as this or our primal brain. It is this part of the brain that controls our innate and automatic self-preserving behavior patterns, which ensure our survival and that of our species. In other words, it’s our flight or fight sensor.

Instantly, without thought, without consideration of anything or anyone around me other than I was more terrified than I had ever been in my life, I cried I wanted OUT!

I stayed……..

These lovely strangers, on both sides of me, held me in this beautiful and gentle way that allowed me to find my center, find my calm, and just allow myself to face my fear head-on. I sat cross-legged, with my torso as low to the ground as possible, and allowed ALL THE FEAR to the surface, allowing myself to just be. In the beginning, thoughts came to me, mostly irrational of:

• What if the people outside left and forget we are there and don’t open up the flap?

• What happens next?

• What if I say something ‘wrong’?

You see, along with my fear of tight/dark/closed-in spaces, I also “somewhat” like to be in control of my environment and am adverse to trying and doing new things I don’t already somehow have mastery over. Irrational, I am aware. So this experience ticked all my uncomfortable boxes. The ONLY way it could’ve been worse is if I had also been naked in the Sweat Lodge, which I was not.

When I was able to accept the discomfort, I was then afforded the gifts that came from such a transformative experience. I was able to have this unique spiritual experience that felt connected to my ancestors and those near and far in a way that I had been longing for in my life for so long. It allowed me to remove the veil of a carefully thought-out image I’d like the world to have of me, and really see ME for who I am. Both flaws and beauty in a way that I cannot see in the light. The darkness, literal and figurative, illuminated in an unexpected way the parts of me that I need to, want to, both work on and let go of in my life.

The flap was opened and closed several times, and each time, my fear lessened.

I emerged into the light sweating more than I had in all my 5 marathons (and training for them) combined, crying more tears than I thought were possible for one person to shed, and emitting more snot than I even want to acknowledge…… and yet, felt more alive and beautiful than I have felt in a very long time.

I'd like to say this experience magically erased my long history with claustrophobia, but the truth is I do not know how I will feel the next time an opportunity arises for me to test myself. What I do know is this: I now have a very recent memory of doing something I was absolutely terrified to do and NOT allowing my fear to make the decision for me. I acknowledged the fear, I let it surface and I was able to sit with it and not run from it.

I don’t want to run from my fears anymore. I don’t want to live small or make decisions to keep me unnecessarily safe at the expense of my own personal growth. Do you?

If our spiritual being is given one human experience in this magical thing called “life”, with an unknown number of trips around the sun, do you want to make decisions out of fear, or curiosity? Fear or confidence? Fear or love? Fear or joy? Fear or accomplishment?

What fears do you have? If you aren’t ready to face them, then when???????????????

Wishing you all awareness of your fears and COURAGE to face them head-on!

Peace in your journey……….