The Days are Long, the Years are short. Open letter to HS/College Graduate Parents
“The days are long, but the years are short”
I remember hearing this when my children were very young, and thought to myself that makes no sense at all! How is this possible? Time is a constant…. that’s ridiculous…..When we are in the midst of nursing, or interrupted sleep for YEARS, or sippy cups, or stepping on legos or the seemingly endless stream of laundry…. it feels like this is life, FOREVER. Slow. Often monotonous. Exhausting days…..
In preparing for our youngest sons graduation this year, the graduation that may or may not “officially” happen due to COVID-19, I find myself at times overwhelmed with the longing of ONE MORE “insert whatever” experience. It feels slightly different than our first son graduating, perhaps because we knew we still had another one at home, or perhaps because all of the “one mores” were stolen from all of us parents who have children graduating from HS or college in 2020.
The last lunch packed. Gone. The last sporting event. Cancelled. The last dance. Cancelled or postponed, may be? The last drive to school and driving home. Missed that one. The last….. all of it gone in a second and this time there was no anticipatory grief period leading up to it, it just evaporated in a moment for all of us in this country. Trapped (or safe) in our homes, with all these feelings and no where to go.
When he was young, this little boy was so easy going and filled our house with laughter, and kindness and his soft spoken gentle spirit. He was easily amused with the simplest of things: balloons, new sippy cups (He LOVED his sippy cup), arranging his little figures or stuffed animals or “squishies” in a row or watching the same Dora the Explorer episode over and over. He drew rainbows and flowers and sunshine, all with the necessary smiley faces on whatever paper he could get his hands on to draw. He was glued to my side, almost literally, for YEARS.
Now, he is preparing for college career at this amazing art college, and while I am so incredibly proud of him and excited for his future, I also find myself…sad. All these years have passed and he/we are done with permission slips for field trips, lunch money, washing track and cross country uniforms, construction paper or poster board projects….and while I understand there is a season for everything, watching this season end has just left me feeling… a little sad….
Anyone?
Parents with young children, how I wish you would really, really listen to what I wish I would have known when my kids were young. I fear no matter how many times I gently try to give this message to those with young children, it falls on deaf ears JUST LIKE IT DID FOR ME!
Play the board game, even if you have done a million times and it is painstakingly boring. Read the book, even if you have read it night after night after night and can recite it without even looking at the pages. Bake the cookies, even if he/she gets sprinkles EVERYWHERE. Take the long walk, even if he/she wants to hug every single tree or smell every single flower along the way. Pray with him/her, even if it is for more cookies the next day. Have a dance party, even if you have no rhythm whatsoever. Volunteer at his/her school, even if it interrupts your day. Listen…even if you are tired, even if you are angry, even if you have done so all day long for your job, this is one of the most important little persons in your life, make sure you make time as if he/she is. Put down your phone, for one day you will be asking him/her to do so too. Make the silly birthday cake by scratch in the shape of Spongebob or R2D2, for one day he/she won't be asking you to do so. Teach him/her to water the flowers, or help with chores, or bake or cook or practice skills he or she needs as an adult, even if you could do it better or faster. Be his/her cheerleader, even if he/she has been struggling with the same issue his/her whole life. He/she needs you to remind him of his worth, of his potential, of his/her beauty. Be there. Show up. For one day…. he/she won’t need you like he/she does RIGHT NOW.
This year, yes…we have all been robbed. Our kids, YES! But we have too. As parents, there is this unwritten script we have in our heads/hearts when we have children of what they will become, what they will accomplish, the milestones they will cross. And this year, many of those are milestones are in jeopardy and it is painful, for all of us.
It doesn’t seem that long ago we walked our son into his preschool class, where he carried a little plastic cupcake in his tiny little palm for almost the entire year. We were required to volunteer a certain number of hours each year, and I am embarrassed to admit I did not love every moment of being there. I was often somewhere else in my mind, thinking of what I had to do afterwards, where I needed to be, or what paperwork or call I needed to make…. I am saddened I didn’t truly appreciate that amazing gift of not only being there for our son, but for the other kids in the classroom. I wanted it to hurry up so I could get on to the next thing…. saddest part is I would give anything to go back for just a moment, to feel that little hand in mine, to kiss his precious little cheeks, to watch his eyes light up as I read his favorite book to the classroom, to see his face beam as he introduced me to his classmates and we shared my homemade cookies or cupcakes together…. I would give anything for just a moment back with my little guy…..
While I don’t believe others will have this fate in the future of having all this ripped away in an instant, it does remind all of us that tomorrow is guaranteed for none one, so strive to savor and cherish every single moment you have with your loved ones. Mindfully connect with each moment, knowing good or bad, happy or sad, it is all temporary. I promise you, you will never regret moments you spent with your child/ren, but you will absolutely regret those you were too busy, too tired, too distracted or too elsewhere to appreciate before they are gone…..
Wishing you all peace and health…and praying for an end to this pandemic.
