The Un-Calculated loss of COVID no one is talking about

When my husband & I were first married, we didn’t make it a practice to celebrate all milestones with any sort of grand gestures. At the time, I think the story I told myself was we didn’t have any money & we were “beyond” the hallmark inspired holidays. When I think back to those days now, in part I both didn’t know my value (a continued journey for me) and I didn’t recognize the importance of making a REALLY BIG deal out of simplest of things. I took those opportunities for grated thinking (a) when we have more money we will do this or (b) we can always do this or that next year.

While we have made tremendous progress over the years in both celebrating in sometimes elaborate and often times less elaborate but more intentional ways both our milestones in our immediate family, we have also strived to do that with more deliberate intention and sometimes grandeur for others as we have matured. Even with making progress and feeling the joy in doing so, I was not aware of the intrinsic need/purpose it filled in me until recent events made me look at it, differently. I took the opportunities for grated.

Then…COVID.

It isn’t the expensive presents wrapped up with ornate bows and ribbons that matters, it isn’t the jet-setting to far off places to see exotic locations that matters, it isn’t even the public displays made that matters….truly what I, and I suspect most are really grieving the loss of right now it the loss of human connection. If you live with your spouse/partner/children/extended family…you are blessed/lucky. But I am not even referring to that in such a limited way, rather the connection with the greater scope of people who give LIFE to this LIFE we have been given. There is a HUGE loss that isn’t even been calculated by any graph or chart that is shown to us during this pandemic.

While I am in no way attempting to state this loss is as profound to those who have died and their family members and friends who are forced with the unimaginable space of having to go on without their loved ones. I am, however, suggesting that we at least can offer space to acknowledge this too is an unimaginable and under-discussed we are all facing. Grieving the loss of the connections, in person, with the family members and friends we hold dear to our hearts.

Humans are hard-wired for connection with other human beings. Human beings DO NOT do well living in the wild, on his/her own without the connection to others. Look at the data of infants who have grown up in orphanages in countries who do not hold, cuddle, nurture the babies to see the long lasting impact on these children who “may” grow up to be adults. Many perish, or have very serious physical health issues because they do not receive the human connection each human is hard wired to receive and give.

Over the past 2 months, my family alone has not been able to celebrate:

St. Patty’s Day. Easter. Mom’s birthday. Dad’s birthday. My Oldest Son’s birthday. 25th Anniversary. Mother’s Day. And Soon to be My birthday…..and in question are my youngest son’s birthday, graduation, PROM, Memorial Day Celebrations……

And that is JUST my family. What have you missed celebrating? Who are you missing giving a hug or kiss to or telling, in person, how much he/she means to you?

I worked in oncology for over a decade, and used to have a mantra in mind that tomorrow is guaranteed to non one… And while I thought I understood it back then, now it feels very academic rather than the deep personal toll it is taking on me to NOT be able to celebrate, even in the most simple of way, in person with my family members and friends.

Humans are hard wired to connect with other humans. IN PERSON. It is in our genetic code to connect. So yes, keep on Zoom-ing, face-timing, skyping, doing the drive by birthday honking and whatever way you can try to supplement while we are still in isolation or lock down….but when the ban lifts, when normalcy (whatever that is) resumes, remember that tomorrow is guaranteed to no one…and truly make time to celebrate and show others in your life that you love and care for them. Have the best “St.Patty’s Day-Easter-Passover-Cinco de Mayo-Memorial Day-Birthday-Just because I love you” Celebration EVER!