What if the caterpillar refused to become the butterfly?

If you are outgrowing who you’ve been, you are right on schedule. Keep Evolving!” Lalah Delia

How many times have I sat with couples in my therapy office and one will inevitability state “You are not the person I married.” I try desperately to not spit out my tea or water (or quite possibly Diet Dr. Pepper. Don’t judge!) as I hear this comment.

Why is it we think we are not meant to change?

Why is it we think our partners or family members or friends aren’t meant to change?

Humans are meant to change. Until our very last breath, otherwise really what is the point? If we were exactly the same person our entire life, how monotonous would our lives become? Our beliefs, our tastes, our opinions all are subject and quite honestly should change if we are indeed evolving as humans.

What if the greatest determining factor to the degree of beauty in our change is in our attitude about the change?

We decide to stop drinking. We decide to finally get in shape or lose weight or start exercising. We decide to further our education, again. We decide to move into a new house, or start a new career path. All positive and often an internal, decisive decision to make a change. Are these emotionally easier to support as they are internally motivated endeavors?

Or…

What is change like when it looks like this?

We are a child who is moving, again. Or changing schools, again. Or an adult who just lost his/her job? Or a beloved relationship…ended?

When decisions are made outside of our knowing, what is the impact the external factors have on the quality of the change?

What if we were to look at all change as not what is happening TO us, but what is happening FOR us? How would this move the experience as something that can always, always, always be helping us move towards growth in some way, if that is what we are indeed seeking?

What if we simply observed more what was happening, and reacted less, more indifferent on the outcomes and more invested in the experience?

Change. Is the one constant we can all as humans, count on happening throughout our lives.

It isn’t in the moments when things are comfortable, easy, and content that we grow. Rather, when things are difficult and we show up anyway..when things are painful and we move forward anyway…when things are uncertain and we take the leap anyway….in these spaces, we truly see who we are meant to become.

So what if the caterpillar was so afraid of what was after the cocoon that he/she never allowed him/herself to see the beautiful butterfly he/she was always meant to be?

So be the caterpillar! And let the world see the butterfly you are changing into with each glorious day.