Why Gold Stars STILL Matter into adulthood: The Power of a kind or assuring word
I invite you to reminisce a little, about times that may be lost in your memory from long ago…. a time that was wrapped up with packed lunches, freshly sharpened pencils, neatly arranged crayons and markers, and the elusive GOLD star on your arithmetic or grammar assignments. For me, I coveted the scratch-n-sniff stickers….. that was really the prize! The acknowledgment that this teacher thought my work was so fantastic, she/he (mostly she, let’s be honest) believed my work worthy of the strawberry or banana sticker. I knew I had performed well. I knew I did good work.
Into our adulthood, we sometimes attempt to fool or shame ourselves into thinking acknowledgment for doing good work or achieving is beneath us, unnecessary, or selfish in nature.
I am writing to give you permission to acknowledge that inner child as STILL needing acknowledgment and that acknowledgment in no way makes you selfish or needy or immature, it simply recognizes your humanity and our need to believe our existence in life, what we do, matters in this world.
I have been a writer truly as long as I can remember. That sounds trite but truly, I do not remember a time when writing was the lesser preferred method of communication for me. My office desk has the ONLY edition of my VERY first written work “Queen Mary & The Disco Man” circa early elementary school that I am quite certain was destined to be a best-seller if it hadn’t been lost in a box of papers only recently unearthed from my parents. It serves as a reminder for me to continue to do what is innate and at times comes through me not of me as I write.
While I have maintained a journal, privately, for several years, my public writing has never been about me as much as my desire to connect with others, illuminate our collective experiences and be that light (if/when needed) for others who feel lost in the darkness, and dreadfully alone.
However….. it has been really hard recently.
At times, it feels like I am writing into a void, having little clarity as to who is reading my blogs or how it might resonate with others. I have no idea how to or if it’s important enough to grow the audience of my blog. I wrote and published my actual first book, which met with a lukewarm reception leaving me with feelings of insecurity and failure.
And professionally, I am in a complicated space of also not being able to have an accurate knowing if the work I do as a psychotherapist is “good” as I can’t actually ask my clients “Hey, what do you think about me as a therapist” Yes, I have maintained a full-case load for years, and yes clients refer others to me which would seem like I could take that as meaning “I am doing good” but…. the missing link is this….
GOLD STARS. Scratch n sniff stickers. GR8!
We all need this! When life is steep in subtleties and minutia, we need some way of knowing when we are feeling lost in the vastness of this amazing world, what we do, what we say, how we feel, matters….
Writing about insecurities, body image, depression, failures, heartaches, and heartbreaks is not a fun process but it has felt necessary and something I have felt compelled to do- called to do- mission-based. Recently, when I was reviewing all my failures: slow progress with blog growth (does this matter? I don’t know), book “failure”, and resurgence of some long-held insecurities, I felt like quitting all public writing and just doing my day job and fading back into silence. Then….
GOLD STARS. Scratch n sniff….
On the same day, as if the Universe of God knew I needed it, 2 completely unrelated friends sent me the most gracious messages about my blog posts and how it impacts their life.
I was humbled. I was emotional. I was back- to the root reason why I do what I do. To connect with others- to share my own vulnerabilities so that I am modeling it as a SAFE & NECESSARY process for all of you. We are not alone, AND sometimes we need others to simply say “hey, good job” and we regain the spark that is attempting to be snuffed out by the toxicity, self-centeredness, and darkness of our world.
So… please remember GOLD STARS matter. AND…you can share this love and support with others.
Your favorite yoga teacher is especially amazing today? TELL HIM/HER!
Your barista’s smile is especially infectious today. TELL HIM/HER! (don’t be creepy though…move along after)
Your friend is having a particularly difficult day, send a supportive message or funny gif!
Be the person you want to see in the world. Be the GOLD STAR.
Be kinder than necessary, you never know what sorrow the other person is carrying along with them in this world.
Wishing you peace, love, and knowing, YOU DESERVE THE GOLD STAR! (Just not the strawberry or banana scratch n sniff, those are mine!)
