How Music can Remind us who we are. Who we REALLY are.

June 9th and 10th in Chicago for Dead & Co’s last tour may seem like an absolute no-brainer to those nostalgic Grateful Dead and their next iteration Dead & Co fans, especially when they aren’t making their typical stop in your hometown (Detroit)…. but this one was met with mixed emotions.

When tickets were purchased, the reality of this occurring the same weekend as my 30th-year college reunion was not on the radar. Going to college out of state, and having classmates all over the world, the opportunity to “go home” (University of Dayton) is a once-in-every-5-year opportunity I typically don’t pass up. The ability to act like a “college kid” for a few days, why would anyone miss out on this opportunity? Thus, leading up to the weekend, I was so excited to see one of my favorite bands as they “swan-song” it out of existence and sad I would miss some precious opportunities to catch up with friends from long ago. Texting, social media, and random calls do not make up for face-to-face connections. What to do?

The culture that exists in Dead shows is unique and can best be described as chill, accepting, and a nearly constant state of just being. Throughout my life, I have both leaned into and pushed back that inner knowing I have of being a hippie of sorts, and being in this space, I feel like I truly belong. I can channel my inner-hippie and trust no one looks at me as being other in this process. My spirit feels the most aligned when I am honoring this free-spirited part of me. It is in these spaces when our inner-knowing and outward appearance are aligned that we truly find belonging. It makes me wonder why I try to hide this part of me at all.

All I can come up with is this: when I am silly when I am not intentionally and methodically cultivating the image I believe others want to see me as being, I have been dismissed and written off as not being all that intelligent or having value. Thus, in an effort to almost say “But wait, I can be both” I have learned to lean more into my intellect and then inadvertently come off as being overly serious and at times, “un-fun.”

What the actual F? Why can’t I be both?

So, this weekend I really explored all my sides, talking with strangers (introverts RARELY do this), dancing like no one was watching (because, let’s be honest, a large portion of the crowd was high on something so I’m sure they weren’t watching me at all!), stayed out too late, wore crazy dresses with dancing bears (google if you don’t know what this is) and steal your face symbols, and I let whatever was to come up for the weekend be met with curiosity and joy rather than having to meticulously plan the entire weekend’s event. It was seeing the Dead, and that was enough.

Incidentally, 2 of my college friends and a childhood friend also went to the show. Had I been so rigid and decided I needed to go to the reunion, I would’ve missed out on the opportunity to be with all of them in this beautiful space. Where there be another opportunity to be with my college classmates/sorority sisters in 5 years, probably, but this was a once-in-a-lifetime weekend, and one I am truly grateful for in my life. FAR beyond the amazing music I heard, the gift I received was a gentle reminder for me to be…well more of ME, and that….is enough……

And P.S. Intellect and free-spirited traits can both exist in a person. And only now, I don’t need validation from others to remind me this can be true because I know…it’s true for me. And that’s….enough….

So embrace your inner-hippie. Or Don’t…. I just wish for all of you to find the joy and hold on to it like I did, and will, from this weekend.

And hearing Sugar Magnolia for the first time ever, live….was something I will never ever forget.

Could our smiles be bigger? This….is JOY!