That Space where Faith & Belief in Self Converge
“Work really hard as if it all depends on you, and then Pray extra hard as if it all depends on God.”
Father Matthew Kohmescher, University of Dayton
This message hangs in my office, where I can see it and remember….
I was blessed or lucky or however it makes sense to you- dear reader- to have this gentle, kind, gracious man/Priest as a professor during my undergraduate studies. He was truly a gift during a time in my life when I had many doubts about myself (some of those haven’t totally resolved), my faith, and my future. To me, he was known as “Grandpa K” as he fulfilled a role that was lacking in my life at the time. He created and held space for me to really look at the role my faith plays in my life, and how to balance both my own desires/inner knowing and the elusive concept of “faith.”
When he shared this concept/truth with me, I could not possibly of understood how many times it would surface for me in my life. I couldn’t foresee how many times I would NEED that reminder. His wisdom enabled me to look at situations in life as being both/and instead of either/or. Growing up in a Catholic home, going to a Catholic college, and raising my family with this faith may give others the impression that I believe blindly because I have such a strong faith. It would appear as so. However, as a person who questions EVERYTHING in life, it would seem reasonable that my questioning would also apply to my faith.
And… Grandpa K got this part of me.
Instead of shaming me for not being as devout of a Catholic as I “should be,” he met me (and presumably countless other UD students) exactly where I was. He encouraged me to question, ponder, read, pray, meditate, to search for answers BOTH with my intellect (which he believed was given to me by God) and my own faith. While the concept of my faith has evolved in my lifetime, the innate sensing (I now understand as inner knowing) has continued to be there is something beyond this life. Cultures throughout history, unconnected and without the social media/internet space we now know, have consistently believed there was something else beyond what our human existence can understand.
And maybe it isn’t about the unrealistic expectation to know with absolute certainty but continue moving forward with curiosity that enables us to more fully understand what feels beyond our potential to do so.
I believe, Grandpa K was trying to get me to understand both can be true, trusting in myself and trusting in God, rather than forcing myself to only trust in God and learn to ignore my own inner-knowing/truth/intellect. I embrace my faith, as he certainly lived his life as an example of this, dedicating his life to being a Priest and Professor to all these unruly college students for decades. I can also believe I need to be active in my pursuits in life in order to balance the two. If we are truly listening to our inner-knowing, for me that is how I view it now- then we are inviting God into our lives and asking Him/Her to be present as we are also working really hard to achieve or do what we need to while our spiritual self is having a physical experience.
Hope in my sharing of my processing, those who are innate “questioners,” may find some peace and comfort in knowing, you are not alone. Trust in YOUR process, trust in YOUR inner-knowing while inviting space for the DIVINE (however you conceptualize this Being) into your life.
Wishing you peace in your journey…..
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