How fur-babies are more "perfect" than humans and the real FEAR in losing them....
If you made it past the title, I don’t need to explain. The fear is REAL. I knew the health risks associated with boxers, and knew it only grew as they got older. I knew they are at greater risk for a fatal heart issue and several types of cancer. However, I love the breed, and from the moment we brought home Layla the Wonderdog at 7 weeks old, she was mine. My fur-baby. My dog-ter. Or dog-daughter. My human children often joke she is my favorite child, and I can’t say they are wrong at times. She has been as devoted to me as I have to her over the past 9 years, changing my work schedule to make sure I can let her out during the day, taking her on endless walks even when I haven’t always felt like it. She has been my world. She is the first dog I have had in my life as an adult, and in my humble opinion, the absolute best dog out there. I know, I am not alone when I say that about my fur-baby, we ALL feel that way about these members of our family. Hence, why the fear over losing them is so incredibly painful.
If you love your fur-babies like they are your FAMILY, you get this. You understand.
There have been little things over the past few weeks. Increase “shaking” behavior we chalked up to maybe she is anticipating a storm or heard something that resembled fireworks. Vomiting because she ate her food too fast or ate human-food. I am the weak link, I am the human food supplier for our sweet, sweet baby. And incessant barking that I have attributed to my increase in ordering online due to the pandemic and like many dogs, she does not like ANY delivery personnel of any kind.
Yesterday…. something was different. First she was shaking uncontrollably for no reason whatsoever, and when she came to she vomitted all of her lunch. Then an hour or so later, while begging for food from me (I said I am the weak link!) she literally fell over in front of me. She didn’t trip. She didn’t get nudged over by one of our naughty cats…she just fell. When she came to, she looked terrified and couldn’t get her balance. She ran into the doorway, and fell again in the living room. I was hysterical, and could not chalk up any of these behaviors as just being mldly odd. Now… we are all worried.
We rushed her to an ER vet practice, encouraged to keep her overnight in this foreign space with unknown veterinarians and had do discuss things like “do you want us to give her CPR if she crashes overnight” and “prepare that it is mostly likely a fatal heart issue boxers are prone to or a brain tumor”…. and “oh you need to pay 75% percent of this million dollar bill before we can even start doing testing on her in hopes that we figure out what is wrong…..”
All awhile we are seated in our car, as it’s the middle of the pandemic and we are unable to go into the office with her. Imagine the terror! For her, and our family. We elected to bring her home and follow up with our veterinarian today, and make a plan from there for her. She let me sleep with her last night, first time in 2 years, which included my sleeping on the floor while holding her paw, and then the ottoman, and then part of the couch, and then upstairs on my bed. It was fitful night sleep for both of us, but I felt so honored that she wanted me to be with her. And scared that she wanted me to be with her, does she know something is really wrong with her?
It made me think of the connection we have with our fur-babies, and how this is so different from that with humans.
Layla is PERFECT in my eyes, though her behavior hasn’t always been so. She has chewed my “save for a special occasion” fuchsia Coach sandals. Destroyed. She chewed a blue pen when she was puppy, creating what we now lovingly refer to as “smurf-gate” as there was blue ink ALL over our carpet, over her, over the couch…. as if a smurf was murdered in our family room. She has “tinkled” on blankets and a couch, dug holes in our backyard (new pastime too) and I am sure destroyed countless other things. But those are just things, and I have never having a huge value on “things”, so it never changed how I felt about her.
The most profound difference between fur-babies and humans is this….. Layla the Wonderdog has never once done something deliberately to hurt me or anyone else. Unlike humans, her behavior is mischievous but not malicious. I have known and KNOW people who have done things (and NOT done things) in a deliberate attempt to hurt me and others around me. Never is this intent in a boxer, or any dogs. They are pure love. Devoted . For life. When they commit to you, truly it is forever as we are their entire world. How many of us can say that about our human relationships?
She is a gift in my life. My purest sense of JOY is when I look into her beautiful brown eyes. We are in the midst of the crisis, uncertain of her future and how to navigate one without her, while praying we can continue to kick that can down the driveway longer. Forever if that were possible, but at least for longer….
I am praying for most positive news than what the ER veterinarians told us last night.
I realized when writing this, the post is way more about my own processing than for others, though I imagine it does resonate with any of you reading. My “Layla the Wonderdog” is your “Spike” or “Daisy” or “Buddy.” May be I am hoping, even just a little, if I tell her story and I put it out into the Universe, the Universe will see her true value to our world and keep her here just a little bit longer……
Stay tuned…..
